SpongeBob SquarePants (TV Series)

As Seen on TV/Can You Spare a Dime? (2002)

Rodger Bumpass: Squidward Tentacles

Photos 

Quotes 

• Squidward : SpongeBob, the remote's broken. Get over here and fix it.

  [SpongeBob hurls the cardboard television into the air, jumps onto Squidward and pokes him on the nose emphatically] 

  SpongeBob SquarePants : [irritably]  I have a better idea: why don't I get someone whose *job* it is to fix it? See, 'cause when I need a *job* done, I get somebody with a *job* to do that *job*!

  [Squidward narrows his eyes] 

  Squidward : [suspiciously]  What are you saying?

  SpongeBob SquarePants : Aaaaah!

  [SpongeBob screams loudly and furiously and pushes Squidward's bed to the Krusty Krab] 

• SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward, you're making a big mistake!

  Squidward : Mistake? Ha! The only mistake I ever made was wasting my life at the Krusty Krab!

  SpongeBob SquarePants : But a visit to the Krusty Krab makes everyone happy! And what could be better than serving up smiles?

  [gives a really big smile] 

  Squidward : Being dead, or anything else!

  SpongeBob SquarePants : I never knew you felt so strongly about this.

  Squidward : Where have you been?

• Squidward : I can be anything I set my mind to. I can be a football player, or a king, or a spaceman.

  SpongeBob SquarePants : Or a football-playing king in space, with a moustache.

  Squidward : Yeah. Uh-huh. You know, that reminds me. There's something I've always wanted to tell you since the first day I met you: Goodbye.

• Squidward : Are you accussing me of something?

  Mr. Eugene H. Krabs : Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it; two, you stole it; or three, you stole it!

• Mr. Eugene H. Krabs : Squidward, what in Neptune's name is going on here?

  Squidward : We're making a commercial.

  Mr. Eugene H. Krabs : What you're doing is wasting all my money. I told you to rent out only what's absolutely necessary.

  Squidward : This is all absolutely necessary.

  Mr. Eugene H. Krabs : Then what's all this useless junk?

  Squidward : That's the useless junk for scene, uh, 28.

  Mr. Eugene H. Krabs : Then how do you explain that? A second Krusty Krab.

  Squidward : Everyone needs an understudy.

  Mr. Eugene H. Krabs : [Looking at his look-alike]  Well, you got me there. But what about him?

  [Points to a clown] 

  Squidward : This job can get very stressful, Mr. Krabs.

• [SpongeBob has discovered that Squidward is homeless] 

  Squidward : Don't you get it? I'm a loser! I lost my job, my home, everything!

  SpongeBob : [gasps]  Even your paintings?

  Squidward : Nobody would take them. So I had to eat them.

  [Squidward's stomach is shown in the shape of a picture frame, and then Squidward openly sobs] 

• Squidward : SpongeBob where's my lemonade?

• Squidward : [angrily swats the bowl away sending it flying]  Condensed Soup from a can? DISGUSTING! All right now that you ruined my appetite go fetch me something to read!

• Squidward : [SpongeBob running to his room with a glass of lemonade]  SpongeBob! SpongeBob!

  [enters the room with the lemonade] 

  Squidward : and why aren't you in uniform?

  [leaves the room and comes back dressed as a maid] 

  Squidward : It's About Time You Got Here!

  [the bed is covered with a lot of items] 

• Squidward : [upset]  I can't drink that.

• Squidward : Are you blind? Just look at it!

  [an up close look of the lemonade with ice in it and a lemon wedge in it] 

• Squidward : I change my mind. I want soup instead.

• Squidward : NO! NO! It's already been contaminated by a bad lemon it won't work!

• Squidward : [responding to the statement]  THEN GO FIX THEM!

• Squidward : [gasps in disgust and swats the newspaper away]  GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! YOU KNOW IM ALLERGIC TO NEWSPRINT!

• Squidward : [clapping his hands]  Four O' Clock time for my stories. Hurry up they won't hold the show while you laze around!

  [SpongeBob rolls in a fake cardboard TV in front of Squidward and hands him a remote control Squiward takes it and hits a button turning the fake TV on] 

• Squidward : [trying to change the channel]  This isn't my show!

• Squidward : WHAT?

• Squidward : I'm out of here!

• Squidward : [yelling at Mr. Krabs]  I didn't take your precious dime!

• Squidward : That lemon has three seeds in it

  [screams in SpongeBob's face] 

  Squidward : Thats an odd number! I cant eat anything odd numbered!

• Squidward : [seething with rage stars grabbing Mr. Krab's eyes in fury]  Here! Here! Here! See them!

• Squidward : Not anymore Mr. Krabs.

  [takes his hat off and tosses it] 

  Squidward : I quit!

  [the hat falls in slow motion]