About 17 years ago, I had watched an atrocious low-budget, unknown 80s Italian "comedy" and had called it "the worst movie ever made". Since then, I had seen a handful of movies that had came close, and perhaps even equaled it, but I could never quite decide if they really were worse. "At that bottom-of-the barrel level", I figured "it's just about impossible to decide which one is worse".
Well, not anymore. After seeing Hip Hop Locos I can say, without even a shred of a doubt, that this abomination is now firmly on top of the list of the worst movies I have ever seen. Heck, I am pretty sure that if you challenge someone (who has never seen Hip Hop Locos, that is) to make the worst movie ever made, they would end up making something better than this crap.
This is supposedly a "found footage" horror. For starters, the concept that it is found footage is not believable in the least; there are clearly scenes that make no sense in that context, such as shots from what appears the POV of the victims, or from a camera that's held neither by the protagonists or another character in the movie.
But that's really the least of the problems.
The whole movie is so poorly lit that typically in half of the scene you can't tell what is happening. Security camera footage looks better than this, and I am absolutely not exaggerating.
There are some headache-inducing effects resulting in the images being incredibly grainy or with inverted colors, for some reason. Not only it's a terrible idea (especially for a supposedly "found footage" movie), but it's so overdone it just makes the whole thing look like they're playing a prank on the viewer.
There are cuts where the same 3-4 seconds of a scene is repeated several times, sometimes slowed down, in what I can only imagine is an attempt at padding the running time.
Not that the scenes that are not repeated are any more interesting: long stretches of driving on a dark road, the two protagonists sitting smoking a joint, or talking on a pay phone in a gas station (?) without even hearing what they are saying.
Then there is the dialogue. Far and away the worst in any movie (I can't say "in any movie script" because clearly there was none for this). The two "actors" are obviously trying to talk "street" slang, but the whole thing is so overdone it only provokes laughs... for the first two minutes, then it becomes just unbearable. The word "homes" especially must have been repeated at least 500 times in the 70 minutes running time. Again, I am not exaggerating.
I could go on and on, but other reviewers have already pointed out how utterly dismal, atrocious, unbearable this "movie" is. I seriously can't imagine it being kicked off the top spot of my "worst movies I have ever seen" any time soon.
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