- Megan Parker: [sympathetically] Look, I know how bad you must feel right now, but tomorrow morning I guarantee you'll feel much worse.
- Josh Nichols: That doesn't make me feel any better.
- Megan Parker: [brightly] I know. Night.
- Drake Parker: You know, things are getting pretty serious between me and her.
- Josh Nichols: You've been dating her since Tuesday.
- Drake Parker: I know. See ya.
- Josh Nichols: This... is my worst birthday ever.
- Drake Parker: 'Cause you ran over Oprah?
- Josh Nichols: No, 'cause it's a little humid. YES, 'cause I ran over Oprah!
- Josh Nichols: Who's Toby?
- Megan Parker: He's a virtual pet. I'm watching him for my friend Janie while she's at bassoon camp.
- Josh Nichols: Why didn't she take Toby with her?
- Megan Parker: 'Cause he's a lot of work. You have to feed him, walk him, groom him and play with him or else he'll die.
- Josh Nichols: Cool. Can I see it?
- Megan Parker: No. He doesn't like men... or... whatever... YOU are.
- Josh Nichols: Hey Megs.
- Megan Parker: Hey, happy birthday.
- Josh Nichols: Oh you remembered.
- Megan Parker: Of course, why wouldn't I?
- Josh Nichols: Because Drake forgot.
- Megan Parker: Well who could blame him? His mind is like a black hole. Stuff keeps getting sucked in and nothing ever comes out.
- Josh Nichols: Yeah, I guess you're right.
- Megan Parker: Here I got something that will cheer you up.
- Josh Nichols: What?
- Megan Parker: [pulls the cover off a cake] Ta-da
- Josh Nichols: You you made me a birthday cake?
- Megan Parker: Uh huh. Mom gave me the recipe I think it turned out really good.
- [lights the candles on the cake]
- Megan Parker: There.
- Josh Nichols: Wow aww this is really.
- [mood quickly changes]
- Josh Nichols: It's Full Of Poison Isn't It!
- Megan Parker: [shocked] No!
- Josh Nichols: Then what then? Huh! Huh! Huh! Hot Sauce? Some kind of extreme laxative?
- Megan Parker: Oh come on. I wouldn't let you eat a cake that will make you sick on hot birthday
- Josh Nichols: I'm sorry.
- Megan Parker: It's okay. Make a wish.
- Josh Nichols: Alright
- [blows out the candles on the cake and the cake explodes covering Josh in the cake]
- Megan Parker: [laughing] I didn't say it would explode.
- Josh Nichols: I'm not upset at you for doing it, but I'm more upset at myself for not anticipating it.
- Josh Nichols: [hearing the electronic dog barking] Ohhhhhh No!
- [storms into the living room]
- Josh Nichols: Megan will you shut that virtual pet up!
- [Toby barking excessively]
- Megan Parker: What do you think I'm doing? This thing wouldn't let me go to sleep.
- Josh Nichols: Could you at least yank out the batteries or turn it off.
- Megan Parker: I can't if Toby dies Janie won't talk to me anymore.
- Josh Nichols: Well who needs her!
- Megan Parker: What?
- Josh Nichols: Who needs people anyway? People they just hurt. They they borrow your money without asking then they spill coffee all over your fresh underpants
- [Megan cuts him off]
- Megan Parker: Okay who puked you off.
- Josh Nichols: Drake! He forgets my birthday, but he throws a big surprise party for his fluffy new girlfriend who he's only known for a week.
- Josh Nichols: Hey what's all that noise.
- Megan Parker: Must be Drake he's practicing on his new bongos.
- Megan Parker: Stupid hippie drums! I'm going to talk to him.
- Megan Parker: Okay.
- [watching over the virtual pet]
- Megan Parker: Aww Toby not on the virtual couch.
- [puts down the virtual pet and tries to take a nap]