The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart vs. Australia (1995)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Quotes 

• Bart Simpson : I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.

  [tries another number] 

  Hitler : [as his car-phone's ringing]  Eine minuten, eine minuten!

  [ringing stops] 

  Hitler : Ach! Das wagen phone ist ein... nuisance phone!

  Man on Pennyfarthing : Buenos notches, mein fuehrer.

  Hitler : Ja, ja.

• [Bart is showing Lisa his pocket knife] 

  Australian with Spoon : You call that a knife?

  [the man pulls out a spoon] 

  Australian with Spoon : *This* is a knife.

  Bart : [confused]  That's not a knife, that's a spoon.

  Australian with Spoon : Alright, alright you win. I see you've played knifey-spoony before.

• Bart : Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

  Homer : Pfff. That's no reason to block the TV.

• [while fleeing the Australian mob, Bart spies a pair of kangaroos] 

  Bart : Hey, we can escape in their pouches!

  [they start to jump inside, then stop] 

  Bart : Eww... it's not like in the cartoons.

  Homer : Yeah, there's a lot more mucous.

• Milhouse : Hey, Bart! Come quick! There's a bakery on fire, and all of downtown smells like cookies! You want to come smell?

  Bart : Yes. Yes, I do.

• [the Prime Minister draws back his foot to "boot" Bart through the Embassy gate] 

  Prime Minister : This is for the Commonwealth of Australia!

  [as he kicks out, Bart jumps out of range] 

  Bart : And this is for the United States of America!

  [He drops his pants, showing "DON'T TREAD ON ME" written on his butt. He moons the enraged Australian crowd, humming "The Star Spangled Banner."] 

• U.S. Ambassador : Good news, we've worked out a compromise that will allow both nations to save face.

  Conover : We've argued them down to... a booting.

  Homer , Marge , Bart : WHAT?

  U.S. Ambassador : The Prime Minister just wants to kick Bart once, through the gate, with a regular shoe.

  Conover : I believe it's a wing tip.

• Bruno Dundridge : Hey, you're just some punk kid, aren't you? Well, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with, mate!

  Bart : [laughs]  I don't think so. You're all the way over in Australia. Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.

• Bart : No fair! You only won because you had the inside track. If the water had been going the other way...

  Lisa : It never goes the other way, Bart. In the Northern Hemisphere, water always drains counter-clockwise. It's called the Coriolis Effect.

  Bart : No way! Water doesn't obey your "rules." It goes where it wants to. Like me, babe.

• Bart : [Climbing into a kangaroo's pouch and being covered in mucus]  Ew! Its not like in cartoons!

  Homer : Yeah, there's a lot more mucus.