Daria (TV Series)

Monster (1998)

Tracy Grandstaff: Daria Morgendorffer

Quotes 

• [Daria and Jane are working on a student film that's going nowhere] 

  Jane : Andy Warhol filmed eight hours of a guy sleeping and people thought it was brilliant.

  Daria : Those people changed their minds after they got into the twelve step programs.

• Helen : I haven't seen you this amused since your sister fell at her dance recital.

  Daria : That was me.

  Helen : Oh. Well, I knew it was one of you girls laughing at one of you girls.

• Quinn Morgendorffer : Is that my movie? Can I see?

  Daria : Sorry, but that would interfere with the creative process.

  Jane : See, we're like artists, and this is how we express ourselves. You understand.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I can't wait to see it. I just hope I don't sound stupid or anything.

  [short laugh] 

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Not that I would.

  Daria : Perish the thought.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I just, I know that sometimes certain types of people, jealous people, might think, who does she think she is? Because I sometimes think that. But I can't let myself go on too long thinking that.

  Daria : Or anything else.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I mean, sometimes I'm walking down the hall with Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany, and suddenly I'm outside of myself, watching, and it's, like, "Who are these girls? Can't they talk about anything besides guys, and clothes, and cars?" But then, what would we talk about? You have to be good at something. You're good at your reading and writing and stuff, and you're good at your little paintings.

  Jane : They are minuscule, aren't they?

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I figure, being attractive and popular, that's what I'm good at. Maybe it's not that important, but, you know, it's what I can do.

  [Quinn leaves the room] 

  Daria : [Feeling guilty]  Aw, hell.

  Jane : Yeah...

• Daria : [Daria is seated on her bed, reading from a script; the camera is on a tripod pointed at Jane]  And then you open the window and say, "Life is a meaningless descent into the void." Then you jump, and on the way down you scream, "Now I understand, I understand everything."

  Jane : Can you get rid of the window part and give me something funny to say? And a poodle! I'd really like to be in a scene where I'm walking a poodle.

  Daria : Actors...

• Daria : [to Jane]  You know that conscience I don't have? It got to me.

• Mr. Timothy O'Neill : [Mr. O'Neill is driving his car with Daria and Jane in back seat]  Sometimes I think film is even more a mirror of the times than the novel. Do you think this is because of its greater verisimilitude? Jane?

  Jane : I can't really hear you back here. Road noise. Plus, I don't know what verisimilitude means.

  Mr. Timothy O'Neill : What about you, Daria?

  Daria : Let's face it. Most people would rather watch a movie than read a book. It's fast, it's easy, and you don't have to worry about your lips moving.

  Mr. Timothy O'Neill : That is a fabulous class assignment, Daria! Thank you for the suggestion!

  Daria : Um, did I make a suggestion? Because if so, I'd like to withdraw it.

• Quinn Morgendorffer : Thanks for driving us here, Aaron.

  Zachary : It's Zachary.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : That's what I said. But shopping is kind of a girl thing. Maybe you could meet us after or something.

  Zachary : But what will I do in the meantime?

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I don't know. Do you have any shopping to do? Maybe there's someone special you want to get a present for.

  Zachary : Um, well, you're kind of special, Quinn.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Oh, Zachary, you don't have to get me a present. If you ask for Theresa in Junior 5 and tell her it's for Quinn, she'll help you out.

  Daria : [to Jane, who is supposed to be recording Quinn but instead the facial products at the mall]  Did you get that? I hope you got that.

  Jane : Did you know pore refiner spelled backwards is renifer erop?

  Daria : [Snatches the camera from Jane]  Give me that!

• [Daria has a nightmare about acting like Quinn. Dressed like her sister, she walks down the hallway, accompanied by three Janes. Each Jane has an outfit and a voice similar to a different Fashion Club member] 

  Daria : I have the cutest little pores, don't I?

  Jane #1 : You really do. Each one is like a tiny dimple.

  Jane #2 : I wish I had pores like yours, Daria!

  Daria : "Pores Like Yours." That would be a great name for a pore conditioning exfoliant.

  Jane #3 : God, Daria, how do you do it? Here we are, complimenting you on your perfect pores, and *you're* unselfishly thinking about how you can improve the pores of others.

  Daria : Duh! I guess when it rains, it pores!

  [Daria and the Janes laugh. A shocked Daria wakes up in her bedroom, gasping] 

• Jake Morgendorffer : You just can't put a price on a moment like this, Daria, and once these years are gone, they're gone.

  Daria : Dad, it's 4:00 A.M. I just woke up from my worst nightmare: resembling my sister. You're reliving an instance of parental neglect from forty years ago. You call this parent/child bonding?

  Jake Morgendorffer : Works for me.