- Veronica: [about her father leaving after admitting he wanted her inheritance] I can't believe I thought he'd changed. He just used me to get to my money.
- George Lopez: Well don't worry, I taped a clock to a couple of road flares and put it in his suitcase. That should really start the party at airport security.
- George Lopez: [to Angie] How can you trust Ray after all he's done to your family?
- Angie Lopez: Because I try to find the good in people.
- George Lopez: That's a really annoying habit.
- George Lopez: [to Benny] How come you never told me I had any special talents?
- Benny: Oh, I'm sorry, George, you're right. No one can wet the bed better than you!
- George Lopez: I'll remember to use my special gift on your grave.
- Angie Lopez: [to George] You can never admit you're wrong about something.
- George Lopez: That's because every time I do, you go, "That's another one for me," like you're keeping an imaginary score.
- Angie Lopez: It's not imaginary. The score is 72 to nothing.
- George Lopez: [catches Ray trying to sneak out with Veronica's money] I knew you'd pull something like this, so I canceled that check, and just to make sure, I signed it Carlos Santana!