All in the Family (TV Series)

Mike and Gloria's Will (1976)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : Little boys who play with dolls grow up to be other boys' roommates.

• Archie Bunker : I would take will into court and have it thrown out.

  Mike Stivic : On what grounds?

  Archie Bunker : On the courtroom grounds under the windows.

• Archie Bunker : Wait 'til you hear this, Edith. They decided not to will Joey to anyone, and you know why?

  [Adopting his mocking tone:] 

  Archie Bunker : 'Cause they decided they ain't never gonna die.

• Archie Bunker : You're supposed to be the big bug on the Constitution, right? Well the first amendment guarantees that baby the right to bear a machine gun?

  Mike Stivic : The first amendment guarantees free speech.

  Archie Bunker : Same thing, buddy boy. If you got a gun in your hand, you're free to make any speech you want to.

• Archie Bunker : I'm gonna give this to somebody else.

  [tries to take the doll away from Gloria and in the process pulls its head off] 

  Gloria Stivic : Aah! Daddy! Well I can't give it to Joey like this.

  Archie Bunker : Alright, maybe you can find some poor, deserving little sissy kid who would like a 'decrapitated' pee-pee doll.