- [hardly anyone is in church on Super Bowl Sunday]
- Rev. Lovejoy: Well, I'm glad some people could resist the lures of the big game.
- Man: OH MY GOD, I FORGOT THE GAME!
- [he runs out of church]
- Ralph: [giving report] ... and when the Doctor told me I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.
- Miss Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.
- [Lisa flips through the card catalog]
- Lisa: Let's see... Football... Football..."Homoeroticism in"..."Oddball Canadian rules"..."Phyllis George and"...
- Lisa: [reading her essay] "The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago. I was sitting on my Daddy's knee when the Saints, who were four and a half point favorites but only up by three, kicked a meaningless field goal at the last second to cover the spread."
- Miss Hoover: [shocked] Dear God!
- Homer: [Moe gets Homer's gambling winnings from his boot] I used to hate the smell of your sweaty feet. Now, it's the smell of victory.
- Moe Szyslak: Oh, shut up.
- Lisa: [using a poster as a megaphone] I Lisa Simpson am hear by giving away all of my ill gotten Malibu Stacy accessories!