My Family (TV Series)

Desperately Squeaking Susan (2002)

Kris Marshall: Nick Harper

Quotes 

• Susan : You're not good with pets. Remember the goldfish incident?

  Nick : I was six.

  Susan : You put Alka-Seltzer in his bowl.

  Nick : I thought he'd like a jacuzzi.

• [last lines] 

  Susan : Nick! Where's Michael? I'm sure he'd like to keep me company at the hairdresser's.

  Nick : Sorry, haven't seen him.

  [Nick runs a sword through a large cardboard box] 

  Michael : Ow!

• Nick : I see you've found my flags of all nations - classic but never stale!

  Ben : What are they doing in my drawer?

  Nick : Ah, a good magician never reveals his secrets.

  Ben : Oh, you're a magician now, are you?

  Nick : Yeah, and you've found my cabinet of mystery!

  Ben : The only mystery in this house is why we allow you to stay here.

• Nick : [about his magician job]  Nah, listen, dad. There could be big money in this. If I make it, I'll buy you a house of your own.

  Ben : Yeah, I used to have one of those.

• Nick : I spent ages trying to think what to call myself.

  Ben : You should've come to me.

  Nick : Marvo the Mystifier! The Baffling Sandovar! The Great Confuso!

  Ben : The Waste of Space!

• Ben : Nick, I am just looking for a tape measure!

  Nick : What do you want that for?

  Ben : Never mind!

  Nick : Don't worry, dad. It's not the meat, it's the motion!

  Ben : Nick, I am *this* close!

  Nick : I see your problem!

• Ben : What do you want?

  Nick : I need a woman.

  Susan : Have you tried washing your armpits?

• Susan : Now, Michael, put on your second favourite shirt. We're going shopping!

  Michael : Oh, no! Not more dresses!

  Susan : No, even better - I need more shoes!

  Michael : Is my life going to be like this forever?

  Nick : Not forever. She's got to die one day.

• Nick : What happened to you?

  Ben : I married your mother!