- Kyle: What are you guys doing?
- Stan: We had to go meet with this counselor lady... and she asked us if the priest ever put anything in our butts.
- Kyle: In your butts?
- Cartman: Yeah, isn't it the damndest thing?
- Chef: [enters] Hello there, children!
- Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
- Chef: Goodbye!
- Cartman: Oh dude, I think I might have it!
- Stan: What?
- Cartman: It makes perfect sense, okay, run with me on this. If you eat food, you crap out your butt, right?
- Kyle: Yeah?
- Cartman: Okay, now keep with me here, it gets a little complicated. If you eat food and crap out your butt, then maybe if you stuck food up your butt, you would crap out your mouth.
- [Long silence]
- Cartman: Mm?
- Kyle: Cartman, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said! This week.
- Martha Stewart: Now, the key to shoving a turkey up your ass is first wrapping it in string, keeping the pointy wings neatly at the side.
- Martha Stewart: Now, we're going to baste the turkey with lubricating gel rather than with juice to help smooth the insertion later on.