"Daria" Dye! Dye! My Darling (TV Episode 2000) - Wendy Hoopes as Jane Lane, Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer

Daria Morgendorffer : So... what happens now?

Jane Lane : I was hoping you knew.

Daria Morgendorffer : Are we still friends?

[Jane doesn't answer]

Daria Morgendorffer : Are we?

Jane Lane : Yeah. We're the kind of friends who can't stand the sight of each other.

Daria Morgendorffer : Temporarily, right?

Jane Lane : I hope so, Daria.

Trent Lane : Hey, you know, about Tom and all... it'll be okay.

Jane Lane : Yeah, some part of me knows that. Some part of me is actually saying that breaking up is right.

Trent Lane : Maybe it is.

Jane Lane : So how come every five minutes I feel like I'm going to throw up?

Trent Lane : I don't know. You haven't been eating out of the refrigerator again, have you?

Jane Lane : [smiles] Idiot.

Daria Morgendorffer : ...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh.

Daria Morgendorffer : I didn't mean it that way.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...

Daria Morgendorffer : Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : I'm sure it was just a one-time...

Daria Morgendorffer : Twice.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.

Daria Morgendorffer : Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria... nobody got killed.

Daria Morgendorffer : No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : What about Tom?

Daria Morgendorffer : I'm not thinking about Tom!

[sighs]

Daria Morgendorffer : You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.

Daria Morgendorffer : Who came up with that stupid arrangement?

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It's called life.

Daria Morgendorffer : Life sucks.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Yes. Sometimes... often.

Daria Morgendorffer : *That's* reassuring.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.

Daria Morgendorffer : You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Honest?

Daria Morgendorffer : Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I'm a real idiot. There's no question about that.

Jane Lane : Who's arguing?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : We should have just broken up and I never should have dragged Daria into it.

Jane Lane : What do you mean, we should have just broken up?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Come on. We weren't going anywhere. We were about to break up.

Jane Lane : Yeah. So now what? You going to go out with her? I guess I gotta get a new best friend.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : What are you talking about?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : What am I going to do, tag along on your dates? Forget it. That's too weird for me.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Yeah. I don't know why we expected her to do it.

Jane Lane : You're going to have just a super time dating Daria. She loves to have fun.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I didn't say I was going to date her. I know how antisocial she is.

Jane Lane : Hey, she's all right. Give her a chance.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : What are you talking about? You want me to go out with her?

Jane Lane : Of course not. I mean, I don't know. Just... look. All that time... were you going out with me just to get to her?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Are you crazy?

Jane Lane : I don't know. Am I?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I really like you, Jane. You're smart and you're funny, you have a great attitude... you do everything on your own terms. You're, like, from a cooler world.

Jane Lane : I am, aren't I?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : You really are.

Jane Lane : Too bad you're such a dork.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I know.

Jane Lane : Maybe we'd better to talk about this later.

Daria Morgendorffer : There's nothing to talk about. You're delusional.

Jane Lane : Oh, well, in that case, I can just talk to myself about it.

[Daria and Jane are browsing through the store for hair-coloring products]

Jane Lane : "Golden Heather Blonde," "Dewy Cornfield Blonde," "April Wheat Blonde"... I just want to bleach my hair, not start a freaking farm.

Daria Morgendorffer : Well, I'm looking for "Blonde as a Bat," but so far no luck.

Daria Morgendorffer : [while mixing the bleach to dye Jane's hair] This stuff stinks. Why can't they just mix it before they put it in the bottle?

Jane Lane : Because the vapors would build up and it would explode.

Daria Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, that sounds like something I'd want seeping into my scalp.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Oh. Hi!

Jane Lane : Oh hi. Go to hell! How could you? How could you?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Hey... uh... stop... I didn't mean to! It just happened!

Jane Lane : How could she?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : She didn't do anything! It was all my fault!

Jane Lane : Oh, don't give me that!

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : She didn't want any part of this! I screwed everything up!

Jane Lane : Now what?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I don't know.