G.I. Joe (TV Series)

Twenty Questions (1985)

Neil Ross: Buzzer, Shipwreck, Hector Ramirez

Quotes 

• [while flying Hector Ramierz and his crew in a Dragonfly through the Rockies, Shipwreck spots a missile heading his way] 

  Shipwreck : Uh-oh, SAM!

  Arnold : My name is Arnold, not Sam!

  Shipwreck : Not Sam! S-A-M! Surface-to-Air Missile! Now shut up and let me fly!

  [Shipwreck avoids the SAM, but the Dragonfly starts plummeting out of control] 

  Shipwreck : Told you you'd never forget this ride! Now all we've gotta do is live through it!

• Arnold : Um, wouldn't it be better if all these computers were used to solve world hunger, instead of--?

  Shipwreck : Whaddya going to do? Feed the world a short stack of floppy disks?

• Hector Ramirez : Oh, now, wait just a cotton-picking minute! Can the charade! This is all a fake! Tell 'em, Arnold!

  Baroness : Fool! You are the stupidest male I ever met!

  [pulls off mask to reveal the Baroness] 

  Shipwreck : I coulda told you that.

• Baroness : You vain, babbling, moronic peacock! My mission was to undermine Joe support and morale by feeding you mindless drivel for your news program, but that--that sailor ruined everything!

  Shipwreck : Glad to oblige, Baroness.

• Zartan : [laughing]  If we don't get out of here--

  [laughs] 

  Zartan : --we're finished!

  [laughs] 

  Buzzer : [laughing]  Well, c'est la vie, mate!

  [laughs] 

  Zartan : [laughing]  No, really! Come on! We must escape!

  [laughs] 

• [last lines] 

  Duke : Shipwreck, would you mind telling me what the bloody blue blazes is going on?

  Hector Ramirez : [laughing hysterically]  Oh, it was great! It was wonderful! Emmy material! A Pulitzer prize! There was laughing gas and fighting and guns and explosions! I got it all on tape! I gotta get this to my network! Fantastic! What a scoop!

  [kisses a confused Duke on the cheek] 

  Hector Ramirez : Love you! You Joes are great!

  Duke : All right, I'd like an explanation for all this!

  [laughing gassed Joes, Ramirez and Tom continue laughing hysterically] 

  Duke : On second thought, forget it.

• Alpine : [on Shipwreck's excessive death portrayal]  Shipwreck, that is pathetic.

  Shipwreck : Says you! I thought I deserved an Oscar.

  Alpine : Yeah, my Uncle Oscar, the moocher.

• Cobra Commander : Thanks to our tunneling machines, we found this previously-undiscovered cavern! A perfect base for our operations!

  Shipwreck : I always said you couldn't tell your face from a hole in the ground!

  Cobra Commander : I will not allow such impertinence, especially from an enlisted man!

• Shipwreck : Ah, gentlemen, observe the properties of the cue ball. So round, so firm. Wanna bet I can make it sit up and bark?

  Spirit : What the universe wills the ball to do, it shall do. There are no games of chance in the... .

  Shipwreck : [chuckles]  Good ol' Spirit. Mr. Frivolity.