Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

The Can Opener (1999)

Patricia Heaton: Debra Barone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robert Barone : I stopped by Mom and Dad's for coffee. I couldn't take all the Mom and Dad. There's a vibe over there that gives me, I can't describe it. Searing abdominal cramps.

  Debra Barone : Why do you go over there?

  Robert Barone : Good coffee.

  Debra Barone : Well how's the coffee here?

  Robert Barone : [pause]  Well when you factor in the vibe here the whole package is good

• Robert Barone : If there is anything that I have learned in my years of experience with domestic disputes it is this. It is never just about the can opener.

  Frank Barone : Yeah, sometimes it's about a jar of fat.

  Marie Barone : How could you mention that?

  Frank Barone : I'll mention it. You went nuts over nothing

  Marie Barone : I had every right to go nuts with YOU for a husband.

  Debra Barone : Wait, wait, wait... what jar of fat?

  Robert Barone : [Robert and Ray both groan] 

  Marie Barone : I'll tell you what jar of fat. It was beautiful. It was fat from pancetta and golden brown sausage.

  Marie Barone : [looks at Debra]  You'd have to be a cook to understand. But it was months of carefully selecting only the best drippings

  [looks at Frank again] 

  Marie Barone : to prepare meals for Il Duce.

  Frank Barone : Yeah, you made all those meals just for me, and then YOU went out jogging.

  Marie Barone : That was my kitchen! You had no right to go in there and throw out my fat!

  Frank Barone : That jar was for my coins! I needed that!

  Marie Barone : YOU'RE SELFISH!

  Frank Barone : FAT COLLECTOR!

  Marie Barone : Ah you never appreciated me, EVER! You never, ever, appreciated me! I would work my fingers to the bone all day with the kids... with the cooking and the cleaning... and the laundry. Then you'd waltz in with your list of demands... and not even a thank you!

  Debra Barone : That's right!

  Marie Barone : Debra understands

  Frank Barone : You wanted a thank you? Where was my thank you? I waltzed in huh? I dragged my ass home everyday after ten hours stuck in a suit, stuck in an office, stuck in a car, and if I needed coins to pay the toll... that got me to that job... THAT PAID FOR THAT MEAT... THAT MADE THAT FAT... THEN I'LL DUMP IT OUT WHENEVER I WANT AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!

  Ray Barone : [He swings a fist in the air happily] 

  Marie Barone : That's right, you don't care. You have NEVER cared about how hard I work just to serve you!

  Frank Barone : Hey, I don't have to care... that's your JOB!