Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Hamlet (1999)

Kevin Murphy: Tom Servo, Professor Bobo, Fortinbras

Quotes 

• Hamlet : That is the question.

  Crow : I'll take "To Be" for fifty, Alex.

  Hamlet : Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

  Tom Servo : Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler.

  Hamlet : Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.

  Mike Nelson : Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair.

  Hamlet : To die... To sleep...

  Crow : That's what we're doing right now, bub.

  Hamlet : No more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.

  Mike Nelson : Okay, we need a predicate now.

  Hamlet : 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

  Crow : Especially with Ophelia, man!

  Hamlet : To die... To sleep...

  Tom Servo : To SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

  Crow : Whoa! That's an old chestnut.

  Hamlet : [whispering]  To sleep...

  Tom Servo : [ditto]  to sleeeep...

  Hamlet : Perchance to DREAM!

  Crow : The impossible DREAM!

• Tom Servo : [During the end credits of Hamlet]  Hamlet will return in "Thunderball".

• Hamlet : to grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death, The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others...

  Tom Servo : SUM UP!

  Hamlet : that we know not of? thus conscience does make cowards of us all; and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pith and moment with this regard their currents turn awry, and lose the name of... action.

  Mike Nelson : So - "I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself," that's all you needed to say!

• [after seeing a German version of "Hamlet"] 

  Crow : Well, Mike, this has convinced ME not to kill your Dad and marry your Mom.

  Tom Servo : Well, at least when the Germans are doing this they can't be up to any mischief.

• Tom Servo : What's worse than clowns? Danish clowns.

• Hamlet : That is the question.

  Crow : I'll take "To Be" for fifty, Alex.

  Hamlet : Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

  Tom Servo : Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler.

  Hamlet : Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.

  Mike Nelson : Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair.

  Hamlet : To die... To sleep...

  Crow : That's what we're doing right now, bub.

  Hamlet : No more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.

  Mike Nelson : Okay, we need a predicate now.

  Hamlet : 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

  Crow : Especially with Ophelia, man!

  Hamlet : To die... To sleep...

  Tom Servo : To SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

  Crow : Whoa! That's an old chestnut.

  Hamlet : [whispering]  To sleep...

  Tom Servo : [ditto]  to sleeeep...

  Hamlet : Perchance to DREAM!

  Crow : The impossible DREAM!

  Hamlet : Ay! There's the rub!

  Mike Nelson : I knew I had some rub left.

  Hamlet : For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. There's the respect that makes calamity of such long life. For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, the oppressor's wrongs, the proud man's contumely...

  [Mike begins nodding head along with the list] 

  Hamlet : ... The pangs of despised love, the law's delay... The insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself his quietus make with a bare bodkin?

  Crow : He said bare bodkin!

  [giggles] 

  Hamlet : Who would fardels bear...

  Mike Nelson : Fardels.

• Horatio : Good night, sweet prince.

  Tom Servo : Good night!