All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie Learns His Lesson (1973)

Rob Reiner: Michael 'Meathead' Stivic

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Edith, Michael and Gloria are eating at the dinner table; Michael sighs] 

  Edith Bunker : What's the matter, Mike?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I don't know. Something's missing.

  Edith Bunker : Not enough salt?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Not enough Archie. It's too quiet around here.

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Michael, don't tell me you like arguing with Daddy.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I didn't say I like it, it's just I'm used to it. My body's used to it. When Archie's here, I eat better.

  Edith Bunker : Well don't worry, Mike, he's only working overtime tonight. Tomorrow he'll be home at his regular time, and I'm sure he'll get in a nice argument with you.

• Edith Bunker : I'll never forget the first time I made pot roast for your father. Only he wasn't your father then, we was just keeping company. I invited him to my house for dinner and I made him pot roast. And that was the first time he ever called me "dingbat."

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Well that's awful, even if he didn't like your cooking.

  Edith Bunker : Oh, no, he loved it.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Then why'd he call you "dingbat"?

  Edith Bunker : Well in them days, Archie was too shy to call me "sweetheart" or "darling," so he called me "his little dingbat."

  [Smiling sweetly] 

  Edith Bunker : And you know what, ever since then, no matter how mad he says "dingbat," I always hear a little "sweetheart" in it.

• Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Arch, when you were talking with Ma the other day about Manifest Destiny, did you mention the fact it was just another name for American imperialism?

  Archie Bunker : Hah?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : That's right. It was just an excuse to rip off other people's land. That's the way we stole Texas from Mexico.

  Archie Bunker : [Points his finger at Michael]  Listen, Subversive. The U S of A never stole nothin' from nobody. The Mexicans was only too glad to give us Texas after we beat the hell out of 'em in a war.

• Archie Bunker : The Indians don't vote.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Archie, the Indians were given the vote in 1924.

  Archie Bunker : I ain't talking about that, I'm saying they don't use their vote, like a fellow told me. They sell all their horses for booze and then they can't ride into town.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : That is the *stupidest* thing I've ever heard.