- [first lines]
- Captain Andy Anderson: A four-day weekend in the Bahamas - I really envy you, Linc.
- Lincoln Vail: Well, I've saved my overtime for three months to get those two extra days. Vacation means a lot to me, Andy.
- Herman Kopak: I thought you were alone, sir, and I thought I'd better check in before leaving for Lost River Station to take over during Constable Vail's absence, sir
- Lincoln Vail: Oh, at ease, Herman. I'm not leaving until tomorrow morning. I still have to go back up there to pack tonight.
- Herman Kopak: Then I better get started. We don't want to leave the station unguarded. Right, Chief?
- Captain Andy Anderson: What are you going to guard it with? That Otterbridge dictionary?
- Herman Kopak: Very droll, sir. This is not a dictionary. This is "The Psychology of the Criminal Mind" by the great professor Irving Hooper. I feel that no police officer can possibly advance to command status without being well informed about brains, sir.
- Captain Andy Anderson: *I* haven't read Hooper, *Constable*.
- Herman Kopak: You... haven't... read... Hooper? Yes, sir.
- Captain Andy Anderson: [to Linc] Health foods, palm readers and now psychology - there's nothing he won't do to try to wrangle a promotion.
- Captain Andy Anderson: [discussing Pete Hammond] Look, Linc, I know you've made it a project to keep Pete Hammond out of trouble. You've helped him out of so many scrapes, he's known as "Vail's Folly".
- Captain Andy Anderson: Suppose Cora does have a .22. How are you going to get it?
- Lincoln Vail: If I can't find it, then I'll have to make *it* find *me*.
- [last lines]
- Herman Kopak: May I go now, sir? I have an appointment.
- Captain Andy Anderson: You have an appointment? With whom?
- Herman Kopak: With my dance teacher, sir. I'm learnin' to do The Twist.
- Captain Andy Anderson: The Twist?
- Herman Kopak: Yes sir. You see, I feel that no top police officer is socially acceptable unless he...
- Captain Andy Anderson: Get out of here before I twist your head off!
- Captain Andy Anderson: [to Linc] Health food, palm readers, psychology and now The Twist!