The Young Ones (TV Series)

Flood (1982)

Adrian Edmondson: Vyvyan, Alien Spotter

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Vyvyan talking about his potion] 

  Vyvyan : The person who drinks it will become an axe-wielding homicidal maniac, it's a cure really... for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac.

• Rick : [pacing around the room]  Meringue... Boomerang... Long, blue, boomerang...

  Vyvyan : Oh, shut up.

  Rick : I'm trying to free form.

  Vyvyan : I'm trying to read.

  Rick : OH, REALLY! I learned how to do that years ago. And what is it your reading Vyvian? A bit of Petrarchian verse, is it? A little bit of French drama?

  Vyvyan : It's called "SS Death Camp Criminal Battalion go to Monte Casino for the Massacre".

  Rick : [snatching comic]  That's MY bloody comic.

  Vyvyan : Give it back.

  Rick : No, Vyvyan. It's mine.

  [sits down and reads] 

  Rick : Anyway, there's no point in reading comics, they're stupid. They treat the kids as if they we're... well, you know, kids. Nothing but war in them. War, war bloody war. Why can't they have stories about love and peace?

  Vyvyan : Because it's sissy, you girly.

  Rick : I'm not being girly, Vyvyian. Longing for a peaceful world is not being girly.

  Vyvyan : It is - It's being soppy and very very girly.

  Rick : I AM NOT BEING G - Look, this entire discussion is completely sexist anyway and I don't intend to continue it.

  [puts head down to read comic] 

  Rick : but

  [looks up again] 

  Rick : for your information, it is not soppy of me to long for a world where a man will love his brother.

  Vyvyan : Poof.

  Rick : You're dilibratelly trying to provoke me aren't you?

  Vyvyan : Yeah.

  Rick : For one man to love another, Vyvyan, is not poofy. It's actually very beautiful. It's only when they start touching each others bottoms that it gets poofy.

• Neil : It was getting really hot. Then I thought oh no, I should have put out that sociology file that was burning on Rick's bed.

  Vyvyan : Yeah, I did that. Trying to make Rick think I was hiding in his bedroom.

  Neil : What? You set fire to Rick's bedroom? I think that's a really selfish thing to do Vyvyan. I was hiding in there - you could have given me away!

• Rick : You're deliberately trying to provoke me, aren't you?

  Vyvyan : Yeah!

• [Vyvyan is making a cardboard submarine] 

  Rick : That's just typical of you Vyvyan. The house is under fifty feet of water and what do you do? Build a submarine.

  [pauses] 

  Rick : There's um... no room for me in there, is there?

  Vyvyan : No.

• Rick : All I'm saying is that this comic is reactionary militarist pamphlet, all they ever do is fight all the time!

  Vyvyan : And what's so wrong with that? I suppose you think we should all go around touching each others bottoms. "Dan Dare touches The Mekons bottom". Exciting new story: "Batman gooses The Jokers crack"!

• Vyvyan : I've made a potion that turns you into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac.

  Vyvyan : It's a cure, really. For not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac.

• Rick : [reading a comic book]  Nothing but war in here! War! War! Bloody war! Why can't they have stories about love and peace?

  Vyvyan : Because it's sissy, you girlie.

• Vyvyan : It's a potion I've invented where, when the patient drinks it, he turns in an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! It's basically a cure - for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac. The potential market's enormous!

• Vyvyan : Hey, Neil! Can I have a look at your tonsils?

  Neil : Why? Do I sound ill?

  Vyvyan : No, no! I just want to pop myself a breakfast.

• Alien Spotter #1 : Anything yet, Mr. B?

  Alien Spotter #2 : Nope. Nope, nothing!

  Alien Spotter #1 : Well, there must be something!

  Alien Spotter #2 : Nope! Not a sausage! Look, why won't you let me take the lens cap off?

  Alien Spotter #1 : Because they're not real binocliers! There's no point in taking them off!

  Alien Spotter #2 : Well, why can't we have a real pair of binocoliers for a change?

  Alien Spotter #1 : Because then the aliens would know that we're watching them, wouldn't they?

  Alien Spotter #2 : But we're not watching them!

  Alien Spotter #1 : Yeah, but they're not to know that, are they?

  Alien Spotter #2 : This may sound like a stupid question: Lip nip nip nip bip?

  Alien Spotter #1 : Yes, it does.

  Alien Spotter #2 : I thought so. Look, what are we really doing here? Really?

  Alien Spotter #1 : Look, don't ask me! Ask the Manpower Services Commission!

• The White Witch : Have some Turkish Delight.

  [Vyvyan leans over and opens his mouth. White Witch recoils in disgust] 

  The White Witch : Ugh... who's farted?

  Vyvyan : It's not me!

  Shirley : That's revolting! That's revolting! People like you should be put in little boxes, tied up with string and left in small dark rooms with out any electricity!

  Vyvyan : Who says?

  Shirley : For a month!

  Vyvyan : Who says?

  Shirley : [points to White Witch]  She does.

  The White Witch : I did not! That's a lie, Shirley!

  Vyvyan : 'Shirley'? Is that your name, then? 'Shirley'?

  Shirley : It's better than 'Vyvyan' by a longshot!

  Vyvyan : Oh, yeah? 'Shirley'!

  The White Witch : Oh, would you two shut up! Would you like some Turkish Delight, my child?

  Vyvyan : Not particularly... got any kebabs?

  The White Witch : Listen, sweetheart, you eat the Turkish Delight, or you'll find yourself in the rockery holding up fishing rods!

  Shirley : And she means it!

  Vyvyan : Look, I'm in a bit of hurry actually. You see I'm trying to hide from someone. You haven't seen a wimpy Sociology student being chased by a lion, have you?

  The White Witch : A lion?

  Shirley : Lion?

  Vyvyan : Well, if you do, don't tell him I'm hiding in this tree over here, okay?