- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director", after yelling cut] That was horrible! I haven't seen that much crap since I filmed that horse laxative commercial!
- Chip Esten: [at the start of "Party Quirks"]
- [pretending to be on the phone]
- Chip Esten: No, dude, it's an easy game. You get a bunch of beers, and then you watch the show, and then every time they crack on the bald guy, you take a drink.
- Drew Carey: [in "Hoedown", about cheating]
- [singing]
- Drew Carey: Well, I'm single, so you may ask, "How can I cheat?" / Well, I have a method, and that method can't be beat. / What I discovered is an affair to remember: / I'm thinkin' about Miss June while I'm lookin' at Miss November.
- Chip Esten: [in "Hoedown", about cheating]
- [singing]
- Chip Esten: My wife caught me with a prostitute. / She came into the room and she began to shoot. / And then went and yelled all around the town, / "I know there's more prostitutes, I guess that's one ho down."
- Drew Carey: [before "Bartender"] Chip, you're gonna be a bartender.
- [Chip comes on stage to applause]
- Drew Carey: With Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, and Cece Worrall. Servin' up that demon rum. And, uh, the other guys are comin'- gonna come in and sing their problems to him, and then Colin, and, uh, Chip is gonna sing their Colin, uh...
- [Colin waves from his seat]