- Wayne Brady: [in "Song Styles", singing to Lee the lunch lady] On Monday, meat loaf. On Tuesday, steak. On Wednesday, pork. On Thursday, chicken. And Friday, it's the best day of all, 'cause you get to have a little spaghetti and two big meatballs-
- [cracks up]
- Drew Carey: Hey, if you're home and watching the show with your girlfriend, why don't call your wife and ask her to tune in too?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Narrate", set at a burger joint]
- [to camera]
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, I knew who he was. A disgruntled employee who had worked here five years ago. I couldn't forget that face; he used to bob for fries.
- [to Colin]
- Ryan Stiles: I guess it's all yours. You got me.
- Colin Mochrie: [to camera] It all seemed too easy. WAY too easy. That's when he did something TOTALLY unexpected. Something so crazy and wild, it took me totally by surprise. Even though it was kinda funny, it still was REALLY weird.
- [Ryan kisses Colin on the lips; mimes flipping burgers and shutting the drive-thru window]
- Drew Carey: [buzzes them out] Stop.
- Ryan Stiles: [on the way back to their chairs] I think that's the first time I ever kissed you, isn't it?
- Colin Mochrie: Yes, it was very nice, thank you.
- Drew Carey: Wow.
- Ryan Stiles: [to Colin] Breath mint?
- [Colin takes one]
- Drew Carey: I am REALLY gonna have some nightmares, I'm tellin' ya. Five thousand points a piece, and uh, hey kids, if you're at home watchin' this with your parents, just pretend you didn't understand that last part.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Things you should never, ever, EVER say while making love."
- Kathy Greenwood: Mmm, honey, can you just reach over and hand me the yeast infection, uh, medication?