- [Dave is talking to Larry about his new girlfriend, who is 'large']
- Dave: Just promise me, if things move forward, that you're gonna be careful, all right?
- Larry Gold: You mean that I should always practice safe sex?
- Dave: [speaking to the audience from his 'thought room'] Actually I was thinking, Don't let her get on top.
- Dave: [to Larry] Yeah, that's what I meant.
- Dave: At no time in history has a culture been so focused on how they look as we are today. Between the diets, the liposuction, Botox, LASIKS. It's crazy and who's responsible? The media and God bless 'em. I mean, who wants to look at fat, ugly people?
- Dave: [after seeing Hillary reading his Penthouse magazine] What the hell are you doing? That's a men's magazine for men. Oh, God. Don't tell me you're going Rosie O'Donnell on me.
- Hillary Gold: Relax. I'm just looking at the boobs.
- Dave: Not making me feel better.
- Dave: Come on, Dave. Marla may not be a supermodel, but she is very sweet.
- Vicky Gold: Yeah, she's sweet. Her blood's 90% sugar.
- Vicky Gold: [to Dave] Honey, I cannot believe how superficial you're being. I mean, first, you're upset that maybe Larry doesn't like girls. Now, he doesn't like the right girl?
- Dave: Hey, that wasn't a girl he brought over here. That was an Oompa-Loompa.
- Hillary Gold: I don't have to use my allowance. I can just use the investments that Grandma and Grandpa set up for me.
- Dave: Your grandmother didn't get you that money for fake boobs, okay? She gave you that money for college.
- Betty: [Grandma Betty addresses the audience from her 'thought room'] Believe me, the boobs'll get her much further.
- Hillary Gold: [to Vicky] Well, you have a big chest. Why don't I?
- Vicky Gold: Well, you know, you probably just take after your dad's side of the family. You do have two sets of genes, you know.
- Dave: Hey, don't blame me. Okay? Even the men on my side of the family have big boobs.
- [Dave feels Larry's new girlfriend is not so good looking]
- Dave: Look, I can understand a pretty face with a not-so-good body, or a great body with a not-so-good face. God knows, I've had my share of butterfaces.
- Vicky Gold: Butterface?
- Dave: Yeah. Everything's good... but 'er face.
- [Dave is concerned about Larry's recent behavior and choice of a girlfriend]
- Dave: Look, I think we might need to take him to a professional.
- Vicky Gold: What? I thought you didn't believe in therapy.
- Dave: What therapy? I meant a hooker.
- Dave: [to Larry] You just have to say the right things. Y'know, that's the whole key to getting girls. Confidence. Y'know, you just have to think of yourself as a stud, and they're gonna think of you the same way. Now, how d'you think I got your mother?
- Vicky Gold: [Vicki appears in the 'thought room', explaining to the audience] Two bottles of Riunite and a questionable "Aspirin"!