Stephanie Cole: Diana Trent

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Diana : Come on, Tom, get a move on. Time and art classes wait for no man.

  Tom : I am the famous explorer, not the famous native bearer.

  Diana : Well, just count yourself lucky I don't sculpt sodding great blocks of marble. Come on.

• Diana : What do you want, Jane, or did you just come round to be wet?

  Jane : It's Harvey. I'm very worried about his behaviour.

  Diana : Grave-robbing again, is he?

  Jane : He seems to be under a lot of stress.

  Tom : Oh dear. Poor little treasure.

  Jane : He thinks life has passed him by.

  Diana : Oh dear, well, we must just get life not to pass him by. We must get life to back up and run him over.

• Tom : We'll never get our Yul Brynner to... change his mind.

  Diana : I don't know. I think I might try a bit of extraordinarily subtle, almost subliminal, psychology on the little creep.

  Tom : Garrotte him with a cheese wire?

  Diana : Yes.

• [last lines] 

  Diana : Well, that's got rid of him for a while. Funny. Exposing himself to a town councillor. Should impress the board.

  Tom : Jane is taking him to a clinic.

  Diana : Clinic? He's not pregnant, is he?

  Tom : A psychiatric clinic.

  Diana : Oh, don't be so silly. There's nothing wrong with him.

  Tom : You just don't see, do you?

  Diana : What do you mean?

  Tom : He's blown a head gasket, for goodness sake. Couldn't you see that?

  Diana : He's just a bit upset.

  Tom : He's calling for his mother!

  Diana : It's not my fault.

  Tom : And you damn well didn't help, did you!

  Diana : No-one's any fun any more.

• Mr Davis : I'm sorry.

  Tom : Not good enough. What are you going to do?

  Diana : Yes, what?

  Mr Davis : I'm retiring soon, so I can say what I like now. I've had a right noseful of you two for the last few years. Every time someone breaks wind in the wrong direction you're in here screaming about your rights and bleeding all over the carpet. Local government is to keep things running and to look after the *really* needy, not to be constantly wiping your ancient and *pampered* *botties*.

  Tom : Diana, don't kill him.

  Diana : No, Tom, I admire his courage. What exactly are you saying with these last words of yours?

  Mr Davis : You are in reasonable health; you are not poor; you are not incapable. So, apart from screaming the roof off every ten minutes, what are *you* doing for your fellow pensioners? Hm?

• Diana : Will you stop that! I cannot hear my old traditional folk songs.

  Tom : I am cleaning the grouting between the tiles. Your lasagne sauce gets right into the grouting. I can't stand grubby grouting. Grubby grouting is an anathema to me. There is no place in a decent universe for grubby grouting.

  Diana : And introducing Harold Pinter on dialogue.