- Andy Travis: We need a band that's going to go along with our rock 'n' roll format.
- Steve Pievy: I do have one act. They must be a rock 'n' roll band. Their name's... Scum of the Earth.
- Andy Travis: [excited] You book Scum?
- Steve Pievy: Not as a rule.
- [the three members of Scum of the Earth have entered the dressing room, where Andy, Johnny and Venus are waiting for them]
- Blood: I suppose you've heard that the three of us have decided that we're not going on this evening.
- Andy Travis: [standing up to join Venus in solidarity] Right. The three of us have decided that the three of you *are* going on this evening.
- [everyone looks at Johnny, who is seated by himself on the other side of the room]
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [shrugging while he takes off his sunglasses] Rock 'n' roll.
- [Johnny stands up to join Andy and Venus to make it a three against three standoff]
- [the band members have just thrown the hotel bellboy out the window]
- Blood: What floor are we on?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Ground floor.
- Blood: Pity!
- Nigel: Actually, we're not a punk rock group.
- Blood: No. Punk rock is passé. We play hoodlum rock. It's several cuts below punk rock.
- Venus Flytrap: What's the difference?
- Blood: Well first of all, punk rock groups dress deplorably. And secondly, they don't usually physically attack their audiences.
- Venus Flytrap: And you dudes do?
- Nigel: Come to the show and find out.
- Dog: [politely] We don't like audiences.
- Herb Tarlek: Hey Big Guy, have you ever heard a Scum record?
- Arthur Carlson: This may amaze you, Herb, but, uh, no.
- Herb Tarlek: Yeah well, I wrote down the lyrics to one called "Love is Murder", you wanna hear it?
- Arthur Carlson: What choices do I have?
- Herb Tarlek: Yeah. "Love is murder, murder is love, I'm a rock 'n' roll hoodlum with a black leather glove. Knock me down, baby, step on my face, I'm a fool for ya baby, let's blow up this place." Kinda catchy, huh?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [to Andy and Mr. Carlson in the dressing room about the band onstage] Hey, ya oughta come out and see this, they're spraying the audience with a fire extinguisher!
- Dog: [incredulously] They sent you up here to look after us?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [sitting on the bed, reading a magazine in otherwise ignoring the three band members] Yeah.
- Blood: Who's watching you then?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Nobody. I'm a responsible adult.
- Dog: You don't look responsible.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, you'll just have to trust me.
- Nigel: [emphatically] We're not responsible. We're *irresponsible*.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [finally looking up from his magazine to face the guys] I think you're boring.
- Dog: [standing up in protest] Boring?
- Blood: We're never boring. Watch this.
- [Blood throws a vase full of flowers into the wall]
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [sarcastically] I take it back. You're *fascinating*.
- Herb Tarlek: Hi. Hear the news? Woody Hayes is missing.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Who is Woody Hayes?
- Herb Tarlek: "Who's Woody Hayes?" Only the famous Ohio State football coach. Boy, where have you been?
- Jennifer Marlowe: [taunting] Out with other men, Herb. Letting them have their way with me.
- Herb Tarlek: [burying his face in his mail in emotional agony] Don't say that, Jennifer.
- Jennifer Marlowe: It's true, Herb. You wanna know what else?
- Herb Tarlek: [before rushing off] No, I don't wanna hear it.
- Bailey Quarters: Isn't this exciting, Mr. Carlson?
- Arthur Carlson: Yes, it certainly is.
- Bailey Quarters: Yeah. Our first concert. I mean, our first concert since we've gone rock. And we've sold out too. 'Course it's not a very big auditorium, but still, I think it's very exciting.
- Arthur Carlson: [to Jennifer, after Bailey leaves] Who's she?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Bailey Quarters.
- Arthur Carlson: Does she work here?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Uh-huh.
- Arthur Carlson: I like her.
- Jennifer Marlowe: I know. You say that every time you meet her.
- Arthur Carlson: I do?
- Les Nessman: [in a concerned tone] Were you listening to Johnny as you drove in this morning?
- Andy Travis: Sure.
- Les Nessman: Well, he's doing bogus news reports, Andy. It's very dangerous, you know.
- Andy Travis: Well, like what?
- Les Nessman: Well, he's telling the listeners there's this thing called the Cincinnati Triangle, just like the Bermuda Triangle, except it runs from Cincinnati, up to Dayton, over to Columbus and back. And he's reporting that things have begun to disappear from the Cincinnati Triangle.
- Jennifer Marlowe: What kind of things?
- Les Nessman: Well, so far, two recreational vehicles, and Woody Hayes.
- Andy Travis: Les, I don't think anyone in their right mind would believe that when it's said. It's a joke.
- Les Nessman: [timidly] Oh. Is it funny?
- Andy Travis: I think it's funny. Jennifer?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Yeah, so do I.
- Les Nessman: [emitting a made up laugh] Well, I see. Darn Johnny. What a card.
- Blood: [on the air] May I say hello to my Mother.
- Venus Flytrap: Your mama live in Cincinnati?
- Blood: Well, there's always a chance, isn't there?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Where is Mr. Pievy?
- Dog: He got out of the car. That's actually the last we saw of him, I think.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Was the car moving when he got out?
- Dog: Yes... I believe it was.
- Arthur Carlson: Why would he do a thing like that?
- Blood: We don't know. But that's our story, and we're sticking to it.
- Blood: But I got a degree in cello at the Royal Academy.
- Venus Flytrap: Oh yeah?
- Blood: I don't play too much anymore. You can't get thousands of screaming girls to come to a cello recital, now, can you?
- Venus Flytrap: Believe me, man, those dudes are vicious, they're dangerous, and they're out of control.
- Andy Travis: Where are they now?
- Venus Flytrap: Having tea in the control room.