- Judith Harper: [to Alan, who was trying to pretend he wasn't home] Why were you hiding?
- Charlie Harper: Why does the wounded gazelle hide from the stealthy jaguar? Why does the helpless piglet hide from the ravenous wolverine?
- Evelyn Harper: [Evelyn's in the hospital faking heart trouble, Charlie repeatedly pulls a heart monitor plug in and out] Charlie, what in God's name are you doing?
- Charlie Harper: Just practicing.
- Evelyn Harper: I see! So you're *both* turning against me!
- Charlie Harper: No, I turned a looong time ago. Alan's just catching up.
- Charlie Harper: [about their Mom] You can't show weakness, Alan, she'll sense it. Like the hooded cobra senses the rapid heartbeat of a panic-stricken kangaroo rat.
- Alan Harper: But, don't you feel even a little bit sorry for her?
- Charlie Harper: Does the mongoose feel sorry for the wounded garden snake? Does the dingo feel sorry for the slow-crawling Australian baby?