- Johnny Carson: It's gonna be a royal wedding. I understand that Benny Hill offered to lend the bride his garter belts for the honeymoon.
- Johnny Carson: Always make your home look lived-in. If you go on vacation, leave one child at home, and make him play in the yard the entire two weeks.
- Barbara Eden: Did you get one of those jogging suits from NBC?
- Johnny Carson: ...No, I didn't... Tell me about that. NBC sent out gifts?
- Ed McMahon: Yeah.
- Johnny Carson: You got a jogging suit from NBC?
- Ed McMahon: They're great, aren't they?
- Bobby Kelton: [on imitating The Tonight Show with his brothers as kids] We would do commercials - we would make believe my mother's beet stew was Alpo, you know? And, uh... she wouldn't like that too much, so she would start yelling at us: "Shut up, you stupid little brats! I am fed up to here with you dummies!" So we'd just pretend that she was Don Rickles making a guest appearance.
- Arnold Roth: [on British editors changing the spelling on his captions] They don't know how to spell their own language - it's terrible. I, uh... I don't like to point it out to them; you know, they're a little touchy since they lost us.