- Ricky: Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
- Eric: I think it will be a wonderful experience.
- Michael Kelso: My girlfriend's dad owns it.
- Fez: I love the uniforms.
- Steven Hyde: To unite the workers, man.
- Ricky: What do you consider to be your best quality?
- Eric: I'm a real people person.
- Steven Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
- Fez: I speak Dutch.
- Michael Kelso: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt, too.
- Ricky: Name something about yourself that is a weakness.
- Eric: I allow people to boss me around.
- Fez: I love chocolate.
- Steven Hyde: I'm brutally honest. Pinhead.
- Michael Kelso: Um...
- [falls backward in chair]
- Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
- Eric: Fatso Burger.
- Fez: Covered in gold chains.
- Michael Kelso: Rock star. No, movie star. No, yeah, rock star.
- Steven Hyde: Prison.
- Eric: Hey, would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?
- Donna Pinciotti: Town dump, no. State dump?... Why are you getting a job, anyway?
- Eric: Everything costs money. Gas, clothes, fun...
- Michael Kelso: Dates. Dates cost money.
- Fez: No, Kelso. That is prostitution.
- Steven Hyde: Dates *are* prostitution, man, except you don't always get what you paid for.
- Donna Pinciotti: Says the man who's never had a girlfriend.
- Steven Hyde: Hey, you guys remember Andrea, the biker chick?
- Eric: Whatever happened to her?
- Steven Hyde: [proud] She's dating my uncle.
- Steven Hyde: So, big party?
- Donna Pinciotti: [sarcastically] Whoopee.
- Steven Hyde: I can't believe Forman missed all those signals.
- Donna Pinciotti: What signals?
- Steven Hyde: [in a girly voice] Oh, poor me, all alone in my big house. Just me, in my nightie. If only some scrawny, little, neighbor boy would come over!
- Donna Pinciotti: He's not scrawny! Why am I even talking to you about this?
- Steven Hyde: Because I'm all you've got.
- Donna Pinciotti: [lying down on the couch embarrassed] So, everyone knows! All I wanted was to be alone with him!
- Steven Hyde: And how does that make you feel?
- Donna Pinciotti: Frustrated! It's frustrating as hell!
- Steven Hyde: Do you have trouble sleeping at night?
- Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, sometimes.
- Steven Hyde: Do you think you'd sleep easier if you had a scrawny, little, neighbor boy next to you?
- Jackie Burkhart: Wait. So, your parents are going to be out of town?
- Donna Pinciotti: Yeah. It's just going to be me alone Saturday. Well, I'm babysitting my sister, Tina. I'll watch some TV, maybe order a pizza.
- Michael Kelso: Let's have a party! A toga party!
- Jackie Burkhart: Michael, maybe she doesn't want to have a party. Maybe she wants to be alone.
- Donna Pinciotti: Well, it'd just be me, but if someone happens to come by, that'll be cool.
- Michael Kelso: So, we're on! I'll bring the beer!
- Fez: Donna, I've never been to an American party. May I come?
- Donna Pinciotti: I don't care. So, Eric, will you be there?
- Eric: Eric:
- [not looking up from the newspaper]
- Eric: Yeah, sure.
- Jackie Burkhart: [Donna leaves the basement and Jackie smacks Eric and Kelso across the backs of their heads] You are both so stupid!
- Steven Hyde: That's a first! I actually agree with Jackie!
- [to Eric]
- Steven Hyde: She totally put on a full court press, man, and you dropped the ball!
- Eric: What are you talking about? All she said was, she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza... Oh, my God, I'm so stupid!
- Steven Hyde: Hello, my minimum wage friend. I demand service.
- Eric: Welcome to Fatso Burger. How may I serve you?
- Steven Hyde: That is so sad, Burger Boy!
- Michael Kelso: Jackie, I've been wracking my brain trying to think of why this guy didn't hire me.
- Jackie Burkhart: Michael, I'm so sick of hearing this. You've still got me.
- Michael Kelso: I'm good looking and he's jealous! This body's a curse!
- Jackie Burkhart: If you worked, you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted, lover.
- [They kiss]
- Fez: Please! Stop touching! It gives me needs.
- Eric: Dad, I'm quitting my job.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: You're quitting?
- Eric: I'm quitting. I'm a quitter and I couldn't hit a cow over the head with a hammer.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Everybody quits their first job. It's no big deal.
- Eric: I gotta say I'm a little disappointed, Dad.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: It wasn't a man's job, anyway.
- Kitty Forman: Red...
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Come on, Kitty! It wasn't a man's job! It was a hairnet, name tag, nothing kind of a job.
- Eric: Well, I'm quitting.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: It's a good thing, too. It was cutting into your chores. You did a half-assed job on that driveway.
- Kitty Forman: I think he did a wonderful job.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [not looking up from his newspaper] Didn't look wonderful to me.
- Kitty Forman: [Stands up, feeling upset because Red's unaware that she did the chores] Sweep it yourself, then!
- Jackie Burkhart: I just want to listen to the guitar solo one more time.
- Steven Hyde: Not again! Put the headphones on!
- [Jackie holds up the cord, plugs it in and then puts on the headphones]
- Steven Hyde: Now, wrap it around your neck.
- Donna Pinciotti: Hey, Fez.
- Fez: Hello, Donna. Now, tell me which one of these ladies is easy?
- Tina Pinciotti: Donna, your creepy friends are playing with Dad's stereo.
- Donna Pinciotti: [to unseen characters] Guys, you can't go in the house!
- Fez: [to Tina] Hello, pretty lady with the eyes like the sea.
- Tina Pinciotti: Hi!
- Donna Pinciotti: She's not a pretty lady! She's my sister, and she's 14.
- Fez: You know, in my country...
- Steven Hyde: It's illegal here.
- [Practicing for a job interview]
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Stand up straight.
- Eric: [shaking his hand] Hello, I'm Eric Forman.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Not loose, firm! Not sloppy, like a fish. Try it again.
- Eric: [shaking his hand] Hello, I'm Eric Forman.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Bend into it.
- Eric: Stand up straight and hold a fish.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't be a smart-mouth.
- Eric: Okay.
- [shaking his hand]
- Eric: Hello, I'm Eric Forman.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: And?
- Eric: And?
- Kitty Forman: Maybe you could mention your Junior Achievement experience.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty, they could give a rat's ass about that.
- Kitty Forman: Maybe your Honorable Mention for the science award.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty?
- Kitty Forman: Right. Rat's ass.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't slouch.
- Eric: Wouldn't that go under the "stand up straight" category?
- Reginald "Red" Forman: See, that's a smart-mouth comment. You're fired, Mr. Smart Mouth! That's how that works.
- Ricky: Hey, Foreman - who said you were on break?
- Kitty Forman: I did!
- Ricky: And who are you?
- Kitty Forman: His MOTHER!
- Ricky: Good enough!
- [Strides away briskly]