Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime (1994)

Catherine O'Hara: Geraldine Ferrett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Austin Haggard : [to Geri]  In my day I got off more big time dirtbags with a slap on the wrist than a lowlife ambulance chaser like you could count. We didn't use any cheeseball victim defense either, we just bought the jury.

  Geraldine Ferrett : But, but I get to go home and do public service, right?

  Austin Haggard : You *are* home, counselor, and I'd rather be dead than you.

• Geraldine Ferrett : [sees a man dragged away screaming in terror]  What was that about?

  Purdy Lee Dreyfus : Courtroom B. The judge is supposed to be real hard.

  Geraldine Ferrett : So what're you up for?

  Purdy Lee Dreyfus : Felonious auto sales.

  Geraldine Ferrett : What, you sold somebody a hot Studebaker?

  Purdy Lee Dreyfus : No, I turned the odometer back on a car I sold a guy.

  Geraldine Ferrett : [sarcastically]  Well that ought to get you 10 years.

  Purdy Lee Dreyfus : I hope so. This is a very strict town.

• Austin Haggard : I think we both should consider...

  Geraldine Ferrett : Yeah, well thank you, counselor, but I will be pleading guilty to this little ripoff and getting the hell out of this town.

  Austin Haggard : No no no, I don't, no, I don't think you want to do that. This is a very strict town.

• Austin Haggard : Hi, I talked to the judge. Well we hit him on a good day. He's agreed to decrease the sentence to misdemeanor public nuisance.

  Geraldine Ferrett : Decrease it? Okay, fine fine, what's it gonna cost me?

  Austin Haggard : Ten.

  Geraldine Ferrett : All this bullshit for ten bucks? Here keep the change.

  Austin Haggard : Not ten dollars, Miss Ferrett, ten lashes. They can flail you now and you can be on your way, as soon as you regain consciousness of course.

• Judge #1 : So you were the lawyer that took down Medi-Heart.

  Geraldine Ferrett : Yeah, $56 million, not a bad payday.

  Judge #1 : Amazing.

  Geraldine Ferrett : Thank you.

  Judge #1 : That a jury could fall for such a load of garbage.

  Geraldine Ferrett : Hey, I proved my case, and my clients were victims of a callous medical establishment.

  Judge #1 : In 10 years' of use outside the laboratory the Cardi-Tark-7 Pacemaker never failed, ever.

  Geraldine Ferrett : Uh, that's irrelevant, we all know mechanical devices break. We provided the jury with a range of psychological proofs that the wares of the Medi-Heart pacemakers my clients burdened with that knowledge, suffered life shortening daily trauma.

• Geraldine Ferrett : [dragged to her flailing]  Get your hands off me! Let go!

  [comes upon Dreyfus, sobbing with his back to her] 

  Geraldine Ferrett : Oh what are you crying about!

  Purdy Lee Dreyfus : [turns around with a bloody hole in the middle of his face]  They cut off my nose!

• Geraldine Ferrett : [to Haggard]  You stink, you're a nag on his way to the glue factory, you hear me? I'd rather be dead than you!

• Judge #2 : You're charged with the illegal solicitation of services in this court, how plead you?

  Austin Haggard : We plead not guilty, by reason of temporary insanity. Your client, My Honor is...

  [takes cards out and reads them] 

  Austin Haggard : Your Honor, my client is the actual victim here. As a child she was psychologically abused by her entire family. She repressed these horrors until recently, and this inner turmoil made her act irrationally on the occasion in question.

  Judge #2 : [laughs]  What a load of... guilty as charged. You ready for sentencing?

  Geraldine Ferrett : Is that your strategy? Are you crazy?

  Austin Haggard : I believe you used the same defense yourself on a number of occasions, I guess I just did not do it right, I am sorry.

  [power flickers as a man is heard screaming while electrocuted] 

• Ghoul #2 : [laughing]  You're not scared, are you?

  Geraldine Ferrett : Who's there?

  Ghoul #1 : [walks up with a hole in his chest]  Hell, this ain't scary. Scary is not being able to get a pacemaker because you sued the company into bankruptcy, and then having to spend my life savings on surgeries and stuff.

  Ghoul #2 : Or *dying* because you can't afford a doctor, because the doctor has to charge so much to pay for his malpractice insurance.

  Geraldine Ferrett : Who are you? What do you want?

  Ghoul #1 : Oh, a pound of flesh will do!

  [laughs] 

• Geraldine Ferrett : [runs out of the courtroom, sees the electric chair]  What the hell? I thought this was the way out!

  Austin Haggard : It *is*.

  Geraldine Ferrett : No!

  [turns to run, is confronted by the ghouls] 

  Ghoul #1 : Welcome back, dear, I had a feeling we might bump into you again.

  Ghoul #2 : And this time, you're gonna get what you deserve.

  Geraldine Ferrett : No! I'm not supposed to get the chair!

  Ghoul #2 : Have a seat!