- Squidward: [to Spongebob] Ah ha! I caught you now! You didn't think I knew you were the stick outside my window. Ha! Or the toilet in my bathroom, and then you were in my bathtub, and I, and, and you, and I, and then you... swam down the drain, and... beat me... to the krusty... krab.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Can you show me how to tie my shoes?
- Painty the Pirate: Arrr, I be just a paintin' of a head.
- [Mr. Krabs drops a dime down a drain. He reaches his hand down the drain and grabs it]
- Mr. Krabs: I got it, boy!
- [his hand gets stuck in the drain]
- Mr. Krabs: What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
- Squidward: You've gotta let go of the dime.
- Mr. Krabs: I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, hi, Squidward. How are those errands going?
- Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? I'm very busy.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sure you are.
- Squidward: I don't like your tone.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [in high-pitched monotone voice] I'm sure you are.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [regular voice] How's that?
- Squidward: I just remembered I needed change for this dollar.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you want four quarters? Or ten dimes? Or twenty nickles? Or one hundred pennies? Or one quarter, three dimes, seven nickles and ten pennies? Or if you give me a five dollar bill, your options are...
- Squidward: Alright! Goodbye.
- Ween: Wanna learn how to tie your shoes? / It's a very easy thing to do. / Sit on down and I'll give you the scoop. / What's that? / It's called a "loop de loop." / You gotta take a lace in each hand. / You go over and under again. / You make a loop de loop and pull / And your shoes are lookin' cool. / You go over and back, left to right, / Loop de loop and you pull em tight. / Like bunny ears or a Christmas bow. / Lace 'em up and you're ready to go. / You make a loop de loop and pull / And your shoes are lookin' cool. / You make a loop de loop and pull / And your shoes are lookin' cool.
- [Mr. Krabs drops a dime down a drain. He reaches his hand down the drain and grabs it]
- Mr. Krabs: I got it, boy!
- [his hand gets stuck in the drain]
- Mr. Krabs: What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You've gotta let go of the dime.
- Mr. Krabs: I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy.
- Patrick: Hey Spongebob, wanna see my new shoes?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow, those are great, Patrick! Let's see what they look like on your feet.
- Patrick: Would you rather see them on... my hands?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Ok, and we can wear gloves on our feet, and hats on our captain's quarters too!
- Patrick: Uh, actually I have a confession to make.
- [privately]
- Patrick: I don't know how to tie my shoelaces.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you know how lucky you are to have a friend like me?
- Patrick: [happily] Yes.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Look at this knot. Have you ever seen a more perfectly executed shoe-fastening bow?
- Patrick: Gosh, probably not.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I learned when I was just a boy, Patrick, and I'm willing to pass on what I know. Go sit over there
- [points off-screen behind himself]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: and let an old pro show you how to do it.
- [Patrick sits down in the chair and SpongeBob sets his foot on the chair's arm]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Pay close attention, Patrick. Well, you start
- [unties his laces]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: by taking one lace per hand...
- [pulls a little on both laces]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: And then you... Uh, you gotta... Loop the, the...
- Patrick: Are you sure you know how to do it?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, please, shoe-tying requires peace and quiet. Okay, where was I?
- Patrick: [SpongeBob gives him a dirty look] Your shoes are still untied.
- [SpongeBob takes his shoe off the chair]
- Patrick: .
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [looks away] Well,
- [Patrick looks shocked]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess you don't want me to show you how to do it.
- Patrick: I'm sorry! I won't interrupt anymore!
- [covers his mouth with his shoes]
- Lady: [a hyperactive Squidward is running around Bikini Bottom without clothes] Hey, put some clothes on!