- A mobster passes out at a family barbecue and seeks therapy to understand why.
- Tony Soprano is a New Jersey mobster with a complicated life. He's recently passed out as a result of an anxiety attack and begins to see a psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi. Tony's mother is at an age where she should be in a retirement home but she flatly refuses, obviously preferring to nag at her son. His father's brother, Uncle Junior, is planning a hit at a restaurant owned by his high school buddy Artie Bocco. A rival company is edging in on his trash removal business. At home, his teenager daughter Meadow is rebelling against parental authority, especially her mother's. Finally, a family of wild ducks that had taken to living in his backyard pool and who he fed regularly has flown away.—garykmcd
- Tony Soprano, waste disposal consultant, and mobster of growing influence, is under a lot of stress. But, like Gary Cooper, Tony disdains the idea of "getting in touch" with his feelings. Tony loses consciousness at his son's birthday but he bristles when the words "panic attack" are applied. His MRI and other tests yield no answers, so Tony consults psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi. Tony is embarrassed, but he begins telling Dr. Melfi about his work, using metaphors, and he reveals more than he knows. When he tells Dr. Melfi about the family of ducks living in his pool and how they had babies and left, Tony is depressed. Dr. Melfi helps Tony ponder his life, his guilt...and his feelings. Tony has a small epiphany: his life and times are not as fulfilling as those of his late father. No one in the 21st century even understands the concept of Omertà! Can 1 post-Corleone mob boss juggle work and family, without driving himself to Prozac?—LA-Lawyer
- Tony Soprano is sitting in the waiting room of a psychiatrist after having a fainting spell at his son's birthday party. Reluctant to talk at first, he begins describing some of the stresses he has in his business as a "waste management consultant," including collecting on loans and dealing with rival companies. His family life is a source of pain as he deals with escalating fights between his daughter and wife, his wife's relationship with the local priest, his nephew's expectations of immediate wealth and success, his uncle's anger at not being the boss, and his mother's hostility to everyone.—Jean-Marc Rocher <rocher@fiberbit.net>
- The episode begins with mobster Tony Soprano sitting in a waiting room at a therapist's office. He stares at a statue of a naked woman that is part of the waiting room. The door opens and Dr. Jennifer Melfi calls Tony into her office. Dr. Melfi offers Tony a seat and Tony sits down. The two sit in silence for several moments. Dr. Melfi breaks the silence and informs Tony that his family doctor, Dr. Cusamano, told her that he has collapsed. Dr. Melfi asks if it was a panic attack and asks him if he was unable to breathe. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that the doctors were the one that said it was a panic attack, but he doesn't believe that happened. He informs her that the blood and neurological work came back negative. The doctors then referred him to her office. Dr. Melfi asks why he doesn't think he had a panic attack. Tony doesn't respond to that question. Dr. Melfi asks Tony how he's feeling now. Tony insists he's feeling fine and is back at work now. Dr. Melfi asks Tony what kind of work he is in. Tony informs her that he is a waste management consultant. After a few more moments of silence, Tony tells Dr. Melfi that it is impossible for him to talk to a psychiatrist. Dr. Melfi asks Tony if he has any idea as to why he blacked out. Tony says he thinks it might have been stress. Dr. Melfi asks what he could be stressed about. We then flashback to the day Tony had the panic attack. He narrates the events of the day. He says that when he woke up that morning he had been thinking. He thought it was good to be in something from the ground floor, but that lately he's been getting the feeling that he came in at the end. He thinks that he has already left the best years of his life behind and now it's over. Dr. Melfi notes that many Americans feel this way. As Tony walks out to get the morning paper, he notes that he thinks about his father and remembers that he never made it as far as he has. Despite that, Tony thinks that his father had a better life. He remembers that his father had his friends, a list of standards, and pride. Tony doesn't think that they have any of that today. Dr. Melfi asks Tony if he had any of those feelings of loss before he collapsed. Tony admits he doesn't know. When Tony walks back up to the house, he looks at his pool and at the trees surrounding the pool. He then sees a flock of ducks come out of the trees and come into the pool. Tony notes that a few months ago two ducks had landed in his pool. Tony thinks that the ducks were from Canada and they were in mating season. They had ducklings while they were at his home and Tony would go out every day to feed the ducks some bread. Tony steps into the pool to give them some of the bread. Tony's daughter, Meadow, has a friend named Hunter Scangarelo pick her up for school. Hunter sees Tony in the pool and tells Meadow what Tony is doing. Meadow doesn't like the ducks and says that the yard smells like duck feces. Tony's wife, Carmela, tells the girls that they need to have more than orange juice for breakfast. She tells them that they need brain food for school. Tony and Carmela's son, Anthony Soprano, Jr. aka AJ, comes downstairs. Carmela wishes AJ a happy thirteenth birthday. Meadow snipes that AJ doesn't act thirteen. Hunter notes that the ducks probably made love in the pool. Meadow doesn't like to think about that and is even more disgusted when AJ puts his cookie in the jug of milk. Carmela offers the girls last night's dessert, but Meadow tells Carmela that she doesn't want any fattening food. Hunter asks Carmela how she is able to stay so skinny. Carmela looks outside at Tony playing with the ducks in the pool. She is not happy about the ducks either. Outside, Tony starts talking to the ducks and tells them that if they don't like the ramp he built them then he'll build another one with better wood. The ducks start to flap around and Tony calls for his family to come outside to watch the baby ducks fly. Everyone comes outside to see the ducks flapping around, but they really aren't as excited about the ducks as Tony is. Meadow notes that they could see the same thing on National Geographic and AJ remembers that they watched this yesterday morning. Back inside, Hunter is glad to hear that Meadow is coming with her and her family to Aspen during the Christmas break. Hunter says that last year, Skeet Ulrich was in Aspen and she met him. Carmela reminds Meadow that the deal was for her to keep her grades up and keep curfew until Christmas and then she is allowed to go. Meadow insists she knows that. Tony comes back inside and wishes everyone a good morning. He tells AJ happy birthday. Carmela asks Tony if he's going to be home in time for AJ's birthday party. Tony is reading a book on birds and isn't paying attention. Carmela asks him again and Tony tells her he's coming home early. Carmela notes that she isn't talking about that job. Back in the office, Tony tells Dr. Melfi that this isn't going to work. He really doesn't like to talk about his personal life. Dr. Melfi insists that he finish telling her about the day he collapsed. Tony recounts that he drove to work with his nephew, Christopher Moltisanti. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that Christopher is still learning the business he's in. Tony says that Christopher is an example of what he was talking about before. Tony asks Christopher if he called Triborough Towers about the hauling contact. Christopher admits that he arrived home late last night and didn't want to wake the man up. Tony asks if he got up early to call, noting that he's in his office by 6:00 a.m. every morning. Christopher says he was nauseous last night and notes his mother told him not to come to work today. Tony notes that this is coming from a man that just bought a $60,000 Lexus. As they drive, Christopher spots an associate named Alexander Mahaffey standing with a woman. Tony tells Christopher to back up so they can talk to him. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that Mahaffey had an outstanding loan that he owed him. Dr. Melfi asks Tony to stop for a minute and notes that she has no idea where the story is going. Dr. Melfi tells Tony that there are some ethical ground rules that they need to discuss. Dr. Melfi tells Tony that they do have doctor/patient confidentiality. She says that this can be revoked if she heard about a crime that took place. If that would come to her attention, she has to go to the authorities. Dr. Melfi remembers that Tony told her he was in waste management. Dr. Melfi also adds that Dr. Cusamano is also Tony's next door neighbor. She admits she doesn't know what happened with Mahaffey, but she's just telling him the rules. Tony tells her that they only had coffee. Of course, Tony is exaggerating about the coffee. Mahaffey was carrying coffee, but drops it at the sight of Tony and Christopher's car. Christopher gets out and grabs at Mahaffey. Mahaffey screams for help. Christopher and Mahaffey wrestle, and Mahaffey is able to get away. Tony backs up the car and starts to chase after Mahaffey. After a brief chase, Tony runs the car right into Mahaffey. Mahaffey's leg is clearly broken with a piece of his bone protruding from his left leg. Mahaffey shrieks in pain and can't believe Tony just ran him over. Tony looks at Mahaffey's leg and punches the bone that is broken. Mahaffey screams in pain and Tony asks Mahaffey where his money is. Tony starts to punch Mahaffey repeatedly in the face. Tony sees that many people are watching him beat up Mahaffey while Christopher is more concerned about the Lexus that Tony just dented. Christopher yells that it will take $3,000 to repair the Lexus. Christopher starts to kick Mahaffey and Tony asks Mahaffey where his money is. Mahaffey begs them to stop and promises that he'll get the money. Tony suggests that Mahaffey stop talking to people because he knows that Mahaffey has been telling other people that he is nothing compared to the previous generation of leaders. Tony and Christopher head back to the car. Before he gets in, Tony tells Mahaffey that he should be appreciative because he's right in front of the HMO which means he's covered. Tony and Christopher later arrive at Centanni's Meat Market where he has meetings with his own crew of the Mafia. Tony narrates to Dr. Melfi that the meeting was about a garbage-hauling company that he represents. However, we know that Tony is talking about different business. Tony asks crew member Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero how Triborough Towers is coming along. Pussy tells Tony that the manager wants to make a contract with their associate, Dick Barone, but another company, the Kolar Sanitation is interfering. Barone notes that Kolar is a nationwide company. Pussy notes that the Kolar brothers are Czechoslovakian immigrants that are hauling paper, plastic, and aluminum for $7,000 less than what Barone is offering. Tony notes that Triborough pays them forty times more than that to steal a shop. Pussy says that Triborough Towers figures that if they can tell the Czechoslovakians no then he can tell them no at the price they are asking for. Pussy notes that the business is really changing. Christopher asks if there's something he can do about it. Tony asks Christopher if he's over his stomachache. Christopher says he's fine. Crew member Silvio Dante arrives and Tony asks him what he's doing here. Silvio says that his wife sent him down to pick up some meat for supper. Silvio asks Tony if he ever went to school with a man named Artie Bucco. Tony informs Dr. Melfi that he had a situation come up with his uncle later that day as well, but he can't go into too much detail with that. Dr. Melfi understands. Tony does admit that his uncle adds to his general stress level. Silvio meets with Tony later and tells him that his uncle, Corrado "Junior" Soprano, is going to kill Little Pussy Malanga. Tony asks why that matters. Silvio informs him that Junior wants to kill him in at Artie Bucco's restaurant. Tony isn't too thrilled about that. Tony and Christopher arrive at Artie's restaurant to find Junior enjoying a meal. Junior notes he was just talking about Tony and asks if AJ's birthday is tonight. Tony replies that it is. Tony warns Junior not to buy a big gift because they spoil AJ as much as it is. Tony sees Artie and greets him. Artie's wife, Charmaine, notices Tony and heads into the back. Artie tells Tony and Christopher to have a seat and he'll be with them in a minute. When they sit down, Christopher asks Tony if he knows what will happen if Malanga is killed in the restaurant. Tony knows it will ruin Artie's business. Christopher tells Tony that he needs to sit down and talk with Junior. Tony tells Dr. Melfi in the present that Junior is his father's brother. He notes Junior is a good guy, but is getting old and cranky. Tony remembers that Junior took him to Yankee games when he was little. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that he loves Junior. Tony recounts that when he was young he remembers Junior telling his female cousins that he would never be a varsity athlete. Tony admits that was a huge hit to his self-esteem. Tony arrives at the house of his mother, Livia Soprano. Tony has to knock several times before Livia finally comes to the door. Tony kisses Livia and asks how she is. Livia doesn't respond, but Tony notes that Livia should get fresh air into the house. Livia asks Tony if he locked the door. Tony says he did, but really didn't and goes back to do that. Livia tell Tony that someone called the house after dark. Tony asks who did that. Livia says she never answered the phone because it was dark outside. Tony notes that he'll never understand why she won't answer the phone after it's dark. Tony notes that the phone is auditory while darkness is associated with the eyes. They don't go together. He understands why she wouldn't go outside after dark, but doesn't understand why she won't answer the phone. Livia mutters to herself that Tony knows everything. She offers him some eggplant for lunch. Tony tells her that he ate and mentions that he just saw Junior. Livia complains that Junior never comes to visit her despite being his sister-in-law. Tony asks if she remembers Artie. Livia remembers Artie and notes she talks to his mother. Livia notes that Artie's mother told her that Artie calls every day. Tony informs Livia that Junior is going to cause Artie a lot of problems. Livia notices that Tony has brought her a gift and asks what it is. Tony says it's a CD Player for her. Livia says she doesn't want it. Tony knows that she loves music and all of her favorites are on CDS. Tony turns on Pajama Game by Connie Francis, which Livia really likes. Tony tries to keep Livia happy and dances with her quickly. Livia isn't as enthusiastic and tells him to stop. Tony tells Livia that she needs to stay occupied. He remembers that when John died, Livia had said she would do things. Livia starts to sob and remembers that John was a saint. Tony remembers that he was, but reminds Livia that John is dead. Tony remembers that Livia was going to travel and volunteer for charities, but she's done nothing. Livia tells Tony to stop telling her how to live her life. Tony tells Livia that he is worried about her. Livia warns him not to start talking about the nursing home again. Tony yells that he talked about a retirement community, not a nursing home. He says that she would be able to interact with people her own age, travel, and participate in activities. Livia insists that she's seen the women in the nursing homes and all they do is babble like idiots. Livia tells Tony to eat his eggplant. Tony insists that he already ate lunch. Tony asks Livia to speak to Junior about not killing Malanga in Artie's restaurant. He knows that Junior respects her and will listen to her. Livia insists that if Junior has business with Artie, then Junior knows what he's doing. Tony asks Livia if she thinks he doesn't. Livia says that all she knows is that daughters take care of their mothers better than sons do. Tony retorts that he bought CDs for a broken record. Tony heads for the door and tells Livia that he expects to see her tonight at AJ's birthday with some of her baked ziti. Livia says she's only coming if she's picked up and brought home after the party. Livia says that she doesn't drive when the weather predicts rain. Tony tells her that she's healthy and it's good for her to drive. Tony tells her he has to go back to work. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that that night was AJ's birthday party. Tony notes that Carmela always invites their priest, Father Phil Intintola, to the house. AJ comes outside and tells Tony and Carmela that Livia just called and isn't coming to the party. He notes that Livia started to cry and then hung up the phone. Tony notes that Livia needs a purpose in life. Carmela states that Livia is stronger than Tony thinks she is. AJ asks if there's going to be no ziti and curses when there won't be any. Everyone tells him to watch his mouth. Tony lights up the grill and starts to cook some burgers. He lights up a cigar and watches the ducks fly around in the pool. This time, the ducks are able to fly into the air. They all fly off into the day. Tony is deeply saddened by the ducks leaving. Tony says he then felt like something went straight to his skull. Tony starts to breathe heavily and his cigar drops from his mouth. He drops the can of lighter fluid on the grill, clutches his chest, and falls to the ground. Meadow sees that Tony fainted and the family runs to him. The lighter fluid on the grill explodes and everyone takes cover. Carmela tells the children to call 911 while Silvio puts out the fire. Tony then appears in the hospital where he is getting a MRI. Tony recounts that Dr. Cusamano sent him to the hospital and they ran a lot of tests on him. Before he is sent into the MRI, Carmela comes into the room. Carmela came to give Tony some company. Tony notes it's 6:30 a.m. Tony asks about the children. Carmela tells him that they are worried about him. Carmela tells Tony that they will have AJ's birthday in a few weeks. Tony asks Carmela if the doctors think he has a brain tumor. Carmela states that they are about to find out. Tony remarks that Carmela's bedside manner isn't the best. Carmela notes he doesn't want to go through life without knowing. Tony notes that they had some good times and good years in their marriage. Carmela doesn't really care and notes that Tony is already starting with the nostalgia. Tony notes that no marriage is perfect. Carmela adds that when Tony has a woman on the side that really didn't help the situation. Tony insists that he isn't seeing the girl anymore. Tony asks Carmela about Father Intintola. Carmela tells him not to try that and insists that Father Intintola is only making her a better Christian. Tony notes that they all have different needs. Carmela retorts that the difference between her and him is that Tony is going to Hell when he dies. Before another word, Tony is put into the MRI. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that while he was getting tests done, Christopher was handling the garbage contract. Tony adds that he can't go into further detail on this either. Christopher waits in Centanni's Meat Market for the meeting. He practices some karate moves while he waits. A car pulls up to the market. Christopher lets the man in and the man introduces himself as Emil Kolar. Kolar tells Christopher that in the Czech Republic, they love pork as well, noting that they are meeting in a meat market. Kolar asks Christopher if he's ever had Czech sausage. Christopher jokes that he only thought Italian and Jimmy Dean's made sausages. Christopher notes that they learn a lot when they cross cultures. He gets out two beers for them to drink. Kolar tells Christopher that his Uncle Evzen doesn't know that he came to them about the deal. Kolar states that if they make progress tonight then he will tell him. Christopher says that they have to make some progress because this is the only way to stop the madness. Christopher states that business is changing and they are the younger generation full of change. Christopher asks Kolar if he went to high school in Poland. Kolar reminds Christopher that he isn't Polish. Christopher thought that Czechoslovakian is a type of Polack. Kolar insists that he came to the United States at age 9 and went to West Essex. Christopher starts to tell Kolar that his cousin played football against West Essex, but Kolar wants to get down to business and asks for the stuff. Christopher gets out the cocaine that Kolar wanted. Christopher gives Kolar a straw and tells him to sample the product. Kolar starts to snort the cocaine. When he does, Christopher walks over and picks up a pistol. While Kolar is bent over, Christopher shoots Kolar in the head. Kolar falls dead to the floor. Christopher fires three more shots into Kolar, and as he does, the shot shifts to pictures of Humphrey Bogart, Dean Martin, and Al Capone on the wall. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that the doctors continued to run test after test on him. Afterwards, Tony says he and Junior went to play a round of golf and have some lunch. Dr. Melfi notes that Tony has mentioned Junior quite a bit and asks him what the problem with him is. We go to Junior leaving Artie's restaurant, asking Tony who he thinks he is. Tony says that he is the person that says how things go. Tony insists that Artie's business is nice and is more proper than the suburbs. Tony asks Junior not to ruin Artie's life. Junior insists that Artie's restaurant, Vesuvio, is the only place where Malanga feels he is safe and has been eating there his entire life. Tony orders Junior to do the hit somewhere else. Junior retorts that Tony may run North Jersey, but he doesn't run him. Junior reminds Tony of the countless hours they played catch together when he was younger. Without another word, Junior and his crew leave Tony. Back at the doctor's office, Dr. Melfi tells Tony that she wants to focus more on his immediate family. Tony notes that Carmela and Meadow haven't been getting along lately. At the house, Father Intintola is watching a movie at the Soprano residence. Father Intintola is amazed at the laser discs and the DVD player. Carmela tells him that Tony watches The Godfather Part II and says it looks just like a movie theater. Carmela says that Tony prefers Part II over Part I because of the part when Vito returned to Sicily. Tony was very disappointed in Part III. Father Intintola asks Carmela where Tony ranks Goodfellas. Before she can answer, Carmela hears a pounding noise. Father Intintola asks if she has raccoons. Carmela says it sounds like someone is trying to break open the window. Father Intintola notes that she has security lights and wonders who is trying to break in. Carmela gets a machine gun out of the cabinet and runs outside. It turns out to be Meadow trying to climb back into the upstairs window. Meadow tells Carmela that she noticed the glass rattled every time she went into the laundry room. Meadow asks if they have window putty. Carmela isn't stupid and knows that Meadow snuck out. AJ comes outside and asks what's going on. Meadow knows that AJ locked her bedroom window and thinks it was only so she would get caught. Carmela remarks that normal people thought she was upstairs doing her homework. Carmela thinks that Meadow has become a master of lying and conniving. Meadow knows that she's grounded and yells that Patrick's swim meet is tomorrow and he needs her. Carmela tells her that she isn't grounded for sneaking out. She tells her that she isn't going to Aspen with Hunter. Tony insists that the issue will blow over eventually and the two will learn to get along again. Dr. Melfi asks if Tony admitted he was depressed to Dr. Cusamano. Tony hesitates and starts to look around. He notes that Dr. Melfi's last name is Italian and asks her where she's from. Dr. Melfi tells her that her father's ancestors are from Caserta. Tony notes his ancestors are from Avellino. Tony admits that Livia would have loved it if he and Dr. Melfi would have been married. Dr. Melfi changes the subject and tells him that anxiety attacks are legitimate psychiatric emergencies. She notes it would be dangerous if he was driving and passed out. Tony starts to get really frustrated. He tells Dr. Melfi that in today's world everyone has to go see shrinks and counselors and talk about their problems. Tony wonders what happened to Gary Cooper. He notes that Gary Cooper was a tough, silent American and that's the way Americans should be. Tony doesn't think Gary Cooper was in touch with his feelings and he did what he had to do to live on. Tony thinks that people didn't realize that once Gary Cooper was in touch with his feelings that they wouldn't be able to shut him up. After that, all the world is about is dysfunction. Dr. Melfi remarks that Tony has soft feelings about this topic. Tony tells her that he had a year and a half at college where he learned about Freud and therapy being a concept. Tony insists that in his world it does not go down. Tony admits he could be happier, but there isn't a person out there who couldn't be. Dr. Melfi asks Tony if he feels depressed. Tony stays silent for a few moments, but states that when the ducks left he has felt depressed. Dr. Melfi notes that these were the ducks that preceded him fainting. Dr. Melfi wants to talk about the ducks. Tony has had it and storms outside. At night, Pussy and Christopher hide Kolar's body. Pussy adds that Christopher can't blame Tony for being mad because Christopher shouldn't have killed Kolar yet. Christopher tells Pussy that he won't show initiative ever again. Christopher notes that Tony is running down the business and he killed Kolar to keep one of their stops. Pussy retorts that Tony isn't running the business down and it's New York that's causing the problems. Pussy notes that this is a messed up situation. Pussy knows that the uncle isn't going to cave in and give the business to them if he finds out that Kolar was murdered. Christopher quotes from The Godfather and says that Louis Brassi sleeps with the fishes. Pussy corrects Christopher and says the guy's name was Luca Brassi. Christopher doesn't care, but Pussy says that there is a big difference between Luca Brassi being killed and Kolar being killed. Pussy tells Christopher that if the Kolars know that Emil is dead then it hardens their position in the company. On top of that, the cops are going to try and find out who killed him. Christopher asks Pussy what he wants them to do. Pussy suggests that Kolar just disappears and never comes home. Pussy says this way, they know he's dead, but they really don't know for sure. The Kolars will always hope that Emil comes home. Christopher likes the idea and Pussy says they'll cut him up on Staten Island. Christopher asks Pussy what he would do if Tony ended up disabled, indicating him fainting at the birthday party. Pussy doesn't have an answer and scolds Christopher for questioning that. The next day, Tony, Carmela, Livia, Meadow, and AJ visit Green Groves Retirement Home. As they are getting a tour, Carmela notices material by Zora Neale Hurston. She notes that Meadow just read a book by her in school. Meadow is still angry with Carmela and storms away from her. Tony thinks Green Groves is very nice. AJ agrees and tells Livia that she really should think about coming to live here. The tour guide takes the family to the living room which was just renovated last year. Livia sees a set of doors with several doctors and rooms. Livia asks the tour guide what happens behind those doors. The tour guide says that those doors are to the nursing unit. Livia notes that this is a nursing home, not a retirement community. The tour guide insists that this is a retirement community and the nursing unit is just in case of an emergency. Livia isn't buying it and screams that she is not living in a nursing home. Tony tells Livia to listen to what the tour guide is saying. Livia refuses to listen and reminds them about the babbling old ladies. Livia scolds the tour guide and notes that she thinks that the tour guide is high and mighty with her fancy office. Livia screams that people come here to die. Tony once again starts to feel stressed. He grabs onto a table, but it won't hold his weight. He has another panic attack and knocks the table and the vase down with him. Livia yells for someone to get a doctor. Tony is back in Dr. Melfi's office. He holds his face in his hands in embarrassment. Dr. Melfi notes that Tony only came back for help and assures him not to look at it as a defeat. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that Livia was one of the children that grew up in the Great Depression, but the Depression to Livia was like a trip to Six Flags. Dr. Melfi notes that depression has popped up in his conversation again. Dr. Melfi tells Tony to stay on track with his mother. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that now that John is dead, he is a saint to Livia. But when John was alive, he was nothing to Livia. Tony tells Dr. Melfi that John was tough and ran his own crew. Tony blames Livia for wearing John down to a little nub. Tony thinks he was a squeaking gerbil when he died. Dr. Melfi notes that Livia is a very formidable maternal presence. Tony admits he also isn't getting any satisfaction from work. Dr. Melfi asks why. Tony says it's because of RICO. Dr. Melfi thinks Rico is Tony's brother, but Tony tells her that he meant the RICO statutes in the newspapers. Tony says that the government is using electronic surveillance and various legal strategies to take down his business. Dr. Melfi asks Tony if he has any qualms about how he makes his living. Tony says he does. He says that he has to be the sad clown laughing on the inside, crying on the inside. Tony admits that things are on the downward trend. Tony says that before when someone got caught they would take their prison sentence with pride and everyone upheld the code of silence. He notes that nowadays nobody has time for the penal experience and there are no values. As a result of this, everyone turns into a government witness. Tony admits he feels exhausted talking about this. Dr. Melfi assures Tony that with the pharmacology of today, nobody needs to suffer with feelings of depression and exhaustion. Dr. Melfi writes him a prescription for Prozac. Tony isn't too thrilled. Later, Christopher meets with Hesh Rabkin at the Bada Bing Strip Club. Hesh informs Christopher that Mahaffey doesn't have the money. Christopher doesn't understand how Mahaffey couldn't have the money. Hesh simply says that Mahaffey just doesn't have it. Christopher notes that they ran Mahaffey over with a car. Hesh insists that Mahaffey has no wiggle room and is broke. Tony joins the two. Hesh tells Tony that he heard that Junior wants to whack Pussy. Tony corrects Hesh and says that it's Little Pussy Malanga that Junior wants to kill. Tony insists that Junior would never mess with Big Pussy. Silvio joins the group and asks for some drinks from a waitress. Hesh asks Tony if Junior resents Tony being boss. Hesh notes that Junior has had his eye on the boss position his whole life. Hesh recounts that John and his younger brother were made men even before Junior was. Hesh can understand why Junior doesn't like Tony telling him what to do. Tony tells Hesh that he loves Junior. Hesh notes that Junior is driven by his insecurities. Silvio adds he feels bad about being the messenger and leaves the group. Hesh advises Tony to get Artie out of town so the restaurant closes for a few weeks. This would force Junior to have to do the hit in another location. Tony is impressed with Hesh's thinking and notes that he knew there was a reason John kept him around all this time. Hesh asks about Mahaffey's money. Tony notes that Mahaffey's new business partner is Hesh. Tony notes that HMOs pay millions to doctors and patients. Tony notes that it cost $2,000 for his MRI. Tony says that they give Mahaffey a choice. He says that the company can either start paying phony claims to fake clinics that they will set up or he pays Hesh the $250,000 that he owes him which Mahaffey can't do. Hesh thinks this could be a major step. Tony thinks it's better than garbage. Christopher notes that garbage is their bread and butter. Tony insists that it was their bread and butter. At the Soprano residence, Carmela gets out some money in a can that she's been keeping. She runs upstairs to see Meadow, who is lying down on her bed. Meadow tells Carmela that she isn't going with her downtown. Carmela notes that every year since Meadow was younger on this day they would go get a makeover and have tea under Eloise's portrait in the New York Plaza Hotel. Meadow insists that she has too much homework. Carmela insists that it's their tradition and they always have fun. Meadow tells Carmela that she hasn't had fun doing that since she was eight. She says that she went because Carmela like going. Carmela admits she thought that they wouldn't be like this until long after she was married with daughters of her own. Meadow hopes she doesn't live around this area by then. Carmela tells Meadow that she can't just lie, cheat, and break rules that she doesn't like. Meadow gives Carmela a look. Carmela asks Meadow if she has something she wants to say. Meadow asks Carmela if she knows how much it means to go skiing in Aspen. Meadow notes that won't happen every year like tea and scones at the Plaza Hotel. Carmela tells Meadow she'll see her later. Meadow asks Carmela to close the door on her way out. At Vesuvio, Tony and Christopher visit Artie. Tony asks Artie if he can help him out. Artie asks what he needs. Tony tells Artie about a Caribbean Cruise for three weeks. He tells Artie that he has a pair of tickets, but he can't use them. Tony wants Artie to take them off his hands and go on the cruise with Charmaine. Christopher says they are from Comps. Artie asks what Comps is. Tony says that as a manager for the Kitchen and Restaurant Workers Union, he administered the dental plan. Tony says that some of the dentists got together and awarded him the tickets for all of his hard work. Tony insists he can't take off for these dates. Tony asks Artie when his last vacation was. Artie thanks Tony for the cruise tickets. At the office, Dr. Melfi comes out to the waiting room to bring Tony in for his next appointment. However, she finds that the waiting room is empty. She goes back into her office. Back at the Bucco residence, Charmaine is very angry that Artie accepted the cruise tickets from Tony and says that he can't accept a gift from a man like Tony. Artie says that if he has to work another day without a break he's going to lose his mind. Charmaine tells Artie that this isn't up for discussion. Charmaine tells the children it's time to go home. Artie insists that he and her have to get away for the marriage. Charmaine insists that it's bad enough that the Mafia has to eat at Vesuvio. Artie insists that they aren't connected. Charmaine says that is correct because they are turning down the tickets. Artie insists that the tickets are just Comps and Tony is a labor leader. Charmaine tells Artie to wake up and asks him if it makes any sense that a union of dentists would decide to give out a cruise to a labor union leader. Charmaine insists that someone had to bust a kneecap to get those tickets. Later, Hesh and Pussy meet with Mahaffey. Mahaffey is on crutches due to his broken leg. Mahaffey insists that he can't fraud the HMO company for Tony. Pussy insists that the paperwork will look real. Mahaffey asks how he won't get caught. Hesh tells Mahaffey to stop knocking himself and adds that he's a smart man. Mahaffey states that he is so depressed he can't eat or sleep. Hesh asks if he's on Prozac. Mahaffey states he's on Zoloft, which is similar. He adds Zoloft is supposed to help with the gambling. Pussy doubts that, but Mahaffey says that the medicine of today is supposed to suppress compulsive behaviors. Pussy says it's a shame that a medication comes along after his gambling caused a problem. Mahaffey insists he's not trying to be cynical. Hesh states that his debt and the feelings surrounding it is the source of all of his problems. Mahaffey states that he's sorry he hasn't paid Hesh yet. He adds he never meant to disgrace Tony's name. Hesh knows Mahaffey didn't do it intentionally. Hesh asks if he wants to go walk on the rocks. Mahaffey notes that with his new crutches, he can't. Hesh tells Mahaffey that they'll help him and adds that he goes out to the rocks to think. Pussy throws his ice cream cone over the bridge down to the water and rocks below. Mahaffey gets the message and tells them that he will go along with their plan for setting up MRIs as payment from HMOs. The next day, Tony is playing a round of golf. He takes out his Prozac and takes a pill. He quickly puts it away before another crew member, Paulie Walnuts Gualtieri, tells Tony that Barone is looking for him. Barone arrives with some good news. He tells Tony that Triborough Towers called and that the Kolar brothers withdrew their bid. Tony is glad to hear that. Barone notes that Artie is also here to see him. Barone takes off to continue business. Tony meets with Artie at the garbage dump. Tony asks Artie if everything is alright. Artie pulls out the cruise tickets and gives them back to Tony. Tony notes that they discussed this and Artie has to go on a vacation. Artie apologizes, but says he can't go. Later that night, Dr. Melfi is on a date with a man named Nils. Nils argues with the waiters and notes he made a reservation two weeks ago. The person at the desk apologizes, but states that people aren't leaving and there are five parties ahead of him. Nils gives up and goes back to Dr. Melfi. Dr. Melfi suggests that they find a new restaurant to eat at. Behind them, Tony and a date, Irina Peltsin, arrive at the restaurant. Tony sees Dr. Melfi and greets her. Tony asks Dr. Melfi if she comes here often. Dr. Melfi says she does. Tony play Dr. Melfi off like a decorator and tells her that the decorating tips really worked. Dr. Melfi is glad to hear that. Tony introduces himself to Nils. When Tony leaves, Nils asks Dr. Melfi if she knows who that was. He knows that Tony is a patient of Dr. Melfi's. Dr. Melfi insists that she can't say whether he is or not. Tony calls over Christopher's girlfriend, Adriana La Cerva, and tells her to get a table ready for Nils and Dr. Melfi. Adriana walks over to them and tells them that there is a table ready for them. Nils is amazed. Later that night, Tony takes Irina to his boat, The Stugots. Irina asks Tony who the woman was he saw tonight. Tony insists it was only his decorator. Irina asks if Tony is remodeling the garbage dump. Tony laughs and notes that was a funny joke. Irina puts on the sailor's hat and Tony chases after a naked Irina. He warns her that the hat was worn by JFK and he bought it at an auction. Irina tells Tony that she knows there is something more intimate between him and Dr. Melfi. Tony assures her that they only talk. Tony kisses Irina. The next night, Tony takes Carmela out to dinner. Tony tells Carmela that there are times when life is good. Carmela says that life is often good. She notes that Tony has been in good spirits for the last few days. Tony tells Carmela that he has to confess something to her. Carmela moves her glass and notes that she is readying herself to throw it in Tony's face. Tony notes she's always so dramatic. Carmela tells Tony to confess what he has to tell her. Tony tells her that he's on Prozac. He tells her that he's seeing a therapist. Carmela is actually thrilled to hear that from Tony. She notes that it is a very gutsy move for him and adds that psychology doesn't address the soul. She thinks this is a big start. Tony tells her that she is the only one that knows and she's only getting to know because she's his wife. He adds that she is the only person that he is truly honest with. Carmela doesn't believe that. Tony says that this is serious and notes that if the wrong person finds out it could get him killed. Carmela tells Tony that she never realized how unhappy he was. Tony adds that Livia contributes to his stress. Carmela asks Tony if he told the psychiatrist about his father, noting that she thinks the psychologist is a male. Tony doesn't tell Carmela that Dr. Melfi is a female and tells her that he has talked about John. Tony states that lately he has felt that his life was out of balance. Carmela tells Tony that their existence on the Earth is a puzzle. She notes that Meadow hates her. Tony tells her that this is what mothers and daughters will do, and promises Carmela that Meadow will forgive her. At home, Meadow answers the telephone. Christopher is on the other line and asks Meadow if she has no social life. Meadow tells him off and that's when Tony and Carmela arrive home. Meadow hands the phone to Tony. Carmela brings in some primavera for Meadow to eat. Meadow still ignores her and heads upstairs. Christopher is watching the television and informs Tony that Little Pussy Malanga has returned from Florida. Christopher realizes that the hit is going to happen soon. Tony tells him not to worry about it and says he has a way to prevent the hit from going down at Vesuvio. The next day, Meadow is playing volleyball at the school. Tony and Silvio watch her from the stands. Silvio notes that Tony needs something and asks when he needs it by. Tony tells Silvio that he needs this thing right away. Silvio tells Tony that he can get a party together for him. They notice a bad call on the ball going out of bounds and Tony and Silvio yell at the referee. After the volleyball game, Meadow finds Tony outside. She notes that Carmela didn't come to the game. Tony states that Carmela didn't think that she would want her to watch the game. Tony tells Meadow that she played a good game today. The two say goodbye to Silvio and his daughter, Heather. Tony wonders where Heather learned the spike move from. Meadow breaks the ice and asks Tony if he thinks Carmela is being unreasonable about stopping her trip to Aspen. She thinks it's even worse that Carmela is playing the sad mother trying to make her feel bad. Tony looks up at the church and has his eye on something. He walks inside. Meadow follows him still complaining that Carmela is being unfair. Tony sits down in one of the pews and notes that it's been years since he went into a church. Meadow begs Tony to talk to Carmela about letting her go to Aspen, but Tony isn't listening. Meadow asks why they are sitting here. Tony tells her that Carmela thinks that Meadow has the ability to be the top student in her class. Tony adds that he agrees. Meadow asks if they're really looking for perfection. Tony doesn't answer, and Meadow wants to know what he's looking at. Tony tells Meadow that her great-grandfather and great-uncle built this church. Meadow isn't impressed. Tony continues to tell her that they were stone and marble works that came from Italy and built the church. Meadow doesn't believe that only the two of them made it. Tony adds that they had a group of workers, and despite not designing the church, they still knew how to build it. Tony states that it's practically impossible to find two good plumbers nowadays. Downtown, Silvio walks by Vesuvio. After he crosses the street, a huge explosion occurs and Vesuvio catches on fire. The next day, Tony meets with Dr. Melfi. He informs her that he is feeling good and doesn't know if he needs to come back to visit her again. Dr. Melfi says that it isn't the Prozac that's doing that to him. She states that he said he was thinking clearer and Carmela added that he seemed better overall. Dr. Melfi adds that it takes weeks for Prozac to build effective levels in the blood. Tony asks what is making him better. Dr. Melfi says that it's the talks that make him feel better. She adds that hope comes in many forms. Tony notes he doesn't have a lot of time to devote to therapy. Dr. Melfi asks Tony what he wants to say to her. Tony tells her that he had a dream last night. He says that in the dream his bellybutton was a Phillips head screw and he was unscrewing it in the dream. He says that when the screw came out, his penis fell off. Tony says that he picks it up and tries to find the man that used to work on his car so that he can put it back on. Tony says that when he holds it up a bird swooped down and grabbed it. Dr. Melfi asks what kind of bird it was. Tony says it might have been a seagull. He notes he watched the movie, The Birds, last week and wonders if that planted the idea. Dr. Melfi notes it was a water bird and notes Tony's ducks. Dr. Melfi asks Tony why the ducks meant so much to him. Tony says it was beautiful for the ducks to come into the pool and start a family. Tony admits he was sad to see them go. He starts to sob. Dr. Melfi passes him the tissues. Dr. Melfi notes that when the ducks had babies they became a family. Tony says that it's a link because he is afraid he is going to lose his family like he lost the ducks. Tony admits this is where the root of his problems lies. Dr. Melfi asks Tony what he thinks is going to happen. Tony admits he doesn't know. The next day, Tony, Paulie, Artie, Silvio, Pussy, and Christopher are standing around the grill while Tony cooks some hamburgers, hotdogs, and sausage. Artie is very upset that his restaurant burns down, but doesn't know that Tony had it burned down. He says that it is so tough to see his life's dream go up in flames. Tony notes that he's collecting insurance money from the damages. Paulie adds that it could have been a worse situation. Artie says that it was a faulty stove that caused the fire and that is bad in his eyes. Christopher tells Artie that people could have stopped coming to the restaurant and that would have been worse for him. Tony stares at Christopher for saying that. Christopher is fed up with everything and leaves the group. Tony admits that Christopher did have a point and there's no insurance for losing customers. Artie asks why people would even stop coming to the restaurant. Tony says that lately he's been figuring out that talking about things help. Everyone else agrees with Tony. Tony reiterates Dr. Melfi's words and states that hope comes in many forms. Artie starts to sob over the loss of his restaurant. Tony tells Artie that he will always help him and gives him a hug. Tony tells Artie to cook the burgers for him to feel better. Christopher is sitting on the porch. Tony approaches him and sits down. Tony promises Christopher that one day he will tell Artie the truth about why the restaurant burned down. Christopher doesn't say anything. Tony demands to know what is wrong. Christopher tells Tony that he could have at least thanked him for his hand in the Triborough Towers contract. Tony tells Christopher that he is right. However, he tells Christopher that when he was growing up, John and Livia never supported or complimented him for anything. Christopher tells Tony that he has a friend that knows someone in the movie industry that would give Christopher millions of dollars for his life story. Christopher notes he didn't do that and decided to stick it out with him. Tony grabs Christopher and asks him if he would really sell his story. Tony notes that there are several mobsters that are selling their screenplays and messing things up for all of them. Christopher adds that he might even be able to star as himself in the movie. Tony tells Christopher to forget about the Hollywood screenplays and the rest of those distractions. Tony notes he's even had offers. Tony tells him that they have work to do and everything will be alright from here on out. He takes Christopher back outside and says that they should enjoy their beautiful day. Junior picks up Livia to take her to AJ's birthday party. Livia thanks Junior for picking her up and adds that somebody at least cares about her. Livia thinks that Tony wants to put her in a nursing home so she'll die faster and then he won't have to deal with her anymore. Livia adds that if John were still alive he would show more decency and respect towards her. Junior remembers that John was a man with respect. Livia starts to sob and states that he was a saint. Junior also notes that things are different from John's days and theirs. Livia doesn't understand. Junior tells her that he isn't free to run his business the way he wants. Livia thinks that is hard for him. Junior notes that Tony interfered last week and made it even more difficult. He adds that Tony also doesn't have a lot of respect for New York. Junior states that Tony is part of an entire generation. He continues to berate Tony and Livia asks Junior to stop because he's making her upset. Junior admits he isn't trying to make her upset, but adds he is like this most of the time. Junior also states that this are down all across the board and a lot of his friends are complaining. Junior knows that they used to be recession proof, but that isn't the case anymore. Junior says that his friends are trying to get him to take a larger hand in the Mafia and mentions that something may have to be done about Tony. Junior and Livia arrive at the Soprano residence to see Tony cooking. Tony says hello, but Livia immediately complains, noting that he's using mesquite and it will make the sausage taste weird. Livia says happy birthday to A.J. Tony tells Carmela that Livia is finally here and Carmela tells everyone it's time to eat. The family all heads over to the food table to get some food. The episode ends with a long shot of Tony's pool.
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