- Lilian: [referring to her cigarettes she brought back from her holiday] You know the best thing about these?
- Robin: They're stronger?
- Lilian: No, although they are a bit. No, the warnings are in Greek... Haven't got a clue what they say! Although, Aristotle told me the odd expression... "Please", "thank you"... "Harder"...
- Heidi: [looking at one of Lilian's holiday photographs] Why is Tess holding two wizened yams? Oh... they're not yams, are they?
- Heidi: This looks like quite a tacky affair... No wonder poor Tess had her jaw dislocated. That's why Keith insists we holiday in this country, don't get all the rowdiness...
- Annie: No, or any of the fun.
- Heidi: Keith always says, and I've come to agree with him, that anything you can find abroad is right here on our doorstep...
- Sally: Oh, yeah! 'Cause there's a pyramid at the end of my road and the Leaning Tower of Pisa's by the roundabout.
- Heidi: Mind you, when I was a little girl my uncle brought a souvenir spoon back from Belfast and all through the sectarian murders and the shopping centres being blown up I'd think, "that's where my spoon came from"... Not the exact arcade, I can't be that precise, but the vicinity... It's important to have that link with other countries...
- Miranda: God, Robin, do you remember that girl, used to sit farther down the bench, she was always sniffing the gas taps?
- Robin: Wendy Walker! God, that is so weird, I often see her around here!
- Miranda: Never! She doesn't work here?
- Robin: No, she's a tramp. I see her looking through the bins.
- Miranda: Yeah...
- Robin: Still wears that Happy Mondays t-shirt... It honks!
- Miranda: It would do...
- Len: Well, I best go do me rounds. I'll be countin' the days till I'm shakin' hands with Mickey.
- [Len leaves the smoking room]
- Sally: Has Len got prostate problems?
- Robin: At his age? Probably. Why?
- Sally: Must be agony, going for days without a slash...
- Robin: "Shaking hands with Mickey" isn't a euphemism, he's going to Disney World, to meet Mickey Mouse.
- Heidi: Ooh! Holiday snaps!
- Lilian: Yeah, they're mine.
- Heidi: Oh, can I see? Aw, I love holiday snaps!
- Robin: Do you?
- Sally: Lilian, I never even asked! How was it?
- Lilian: Fantastic!
- Sally: Did you cop off with a hunky Greek waiter?
- Lilian: No, we went self-service.
- Heidi: Oh, it's such a cliché, isn't it? The middle-aged divorcée falling for some lowly-paid menial kidding herself she's in love and he's just eyeing up her cash... Aww... Sad...