The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Way We Was (1991)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Bald Critic, Barney Gumble, Grampa Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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Marge Simpson : [Marge leaves the dance room and sees Homer sitting on the stairs crying heavily. She walks up to him] Homer?
Homer : [He sniffles and looks up at her] What?
Marge Simpson : [She sits down beside him] Why are you doing this? Why can't you accept that I'm here with someone else?
Homer : [Sniffles; his voice breaks as he talks] Because I'm... sure we were meant to be together. Usually when I have a thought, there's a lot of *other* thoughts in there... some things says, yes, some things says, no... But this time, there's only yes!
[Cries as he talks]
Homer : How can the only thing I've ever been sure about in my life be wrong?
Marge Simpson : [Looks down] Hm... I don't know... But it is.
[Walks away]
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Marge Simpson : Why so glum?
Homer : [sigh] I got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you. And kiss you. And I'll never be able to let you go.
Homer : [Flashes back to the present] And I never have
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Homer : [after having a meeting with his guidance counselor] Me, work in a nuclear power plant? Ka-blammo!
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[the Simpsons are watching 'Yakkin' About Movies' a film review show hosted by a duo of film critics, one bald, the other fat and bespectacled]
Bald Critic : Our next movie is 'McBain', another shoot-em-up, push-em-through-the-plate-glass-window splatterfest from the Hollywood cookie cutter. Here's a typically brainless scene.
[an excerpt from 'McBain' plays]
Police Captain : Senator Mendoza is one of the most respected citizens in this state, McBain. And yet, you ran his limo off a cliff, broke the necks of three of his bodyguards and drove a bus through his front door?
McBain : [thick Germanic accent] But Captain, I have proof that he's head of an international drug cartel!
Police Captain : I don't want to hear about it, McBain! You're outta here!
[the gigantic, musclebound McBain turns, then punches the captain with a huge fist, sending flying him through the window and falling multiple storeys into a fountain below]
McBain : That makes two of us.
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Homer : Dear, God - just give me one channel!
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Abe Simpson : [munching fried chicken] What's the matter, boy?
Homer : Nothing.
Abe Simpson : You haven't said boo all night, and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts!
Homer : Dad... I'm in love.
Abe Simpson : Uh-oh! Better grab yourself a beer, son.
Homer : But, Dad, I don't drink...
Abe Simpson : Cut the crap! "I just collect the cans, Daddy!" Now get yourself a beer and get me one, too. Now, this girl of yours, is she a real looker?
Homer : Uh-huh.
Abe Simpson : A lot on the ball?
Homer : Oh, yeah.
Abe Simpson : Oh son, don't overreach. Go for the dented car, the dead-end job, the less-attractive girl. Ah, I blame myself. I should have had this conversation years ago.
Homer : [dejected] Thanks, Dad.
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[after the TV goes blank]
Bart : If you look close, you can make them out.
Homer : Hey, yeah, I think I can...
Marge Simpson : I think this is sick! You're staring at a dot.
Homer : [sobbing] She's right! She's right! Oh, how I miss TV!
[shouts]
Homer : Dear God, just give me one channel!
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Homer : English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
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Fat Critic : You know, I can't believe we're talking about the same movie.
Bald Critic : Oh, no...
Fat Critic : I thought McBain was a non-stop rollercoaster of chills, thrills, spills, and kills! And that chase at the end, my friend?
[makes a kiss noise as if describing some delicious food]
Fat Critic : Mwah!
Bald Critic : Are you nuts? That movie stinks like your creepy one bedroom apartment!
Fat Critic : Your mother didn't think it was so creepy!
Bald Critic : "My mother"! Real mature! I'm sick of your grade school insults...
Homer : [watching them on TV, laughing] I love watching the bald guy argue with the fat tub of lard.
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Homer : You wanna go out with me?
Marge Simpson : Um, I don't think you're my type
Homer : You see the problem is you don't know me. I have references. Just ask Coach Flannigan and Mr Seckofsky. And Barney Gumble.
Marge Simpson : Hmmmm I don't know
Homer : Look, I'm not asking you to like me. I'm not asking you to put yourself in a position where I can touch your goodies. I'm just asking you to be fair
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[Homer is angling to join the debate team to get closer to Marge]
Mrs. Bloominstein : The topic is "Resolved: The speed limit should be lowered to 55 mph."
Homer : [out of his chair and on his feet] Fifty-five? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but *millions* will be late!
Mrs. Bloominstein : ...Why don't you take "con."
