The Simpsons (TV Series)

Take My Wife, Sleaze (1999)

John Goodman: Meathook

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : My wife is not a doobie, to be passed around from person to person! I made a sacred vow, on my wedding day, to bogart her for the rest of my life.

  Meathook : There's only one way to settle this: you and me, in the Circle of Death.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, I just swept the Circle of Death.

• [Meathook punches eggs into a toaster] 

  Marge Simpson : Stop that! If you want some food, I'll be happy to make you some breakfast.

  Meathook : I'd kill for some waffles!

  Ramrod : He has... Remember that IHOP in Oakland?

  [both guys laugh hysterically] 

• Meathook : Alright Satans, we roll out at dawn.

  Marge Simpson : Where are we going?

  Meathook : To the Biker's Jamboree in South Dakota. You'll love it. Mickey Rourke is comin' and we're gonna jump him.

  Marge Simpson : You know, there's more to life than boozing and roughhousing.

  [entire gang looks around at each other, confused] 

  Marge Simpson : Haven't any of you had a dream?

  Ramrod : Yeah, I had a dream! I was in this beautiful garden... pounding the crap out of a shopkeeper. Then...

  Marge Simpson : Noo! I mean the dream of a good job, a loving family, and a home in the suburbs.

  Meathook : Aww man, to get all that you'd have to kill live fifty people!

  Marge Simpson : Noooo, you don't have to kill anyone! Not if you have jobs. And the first step is an eye-catching resume.

  Ramrod : Nah, actually it's called résumé.

  Meathook : Actually, both are acceptable.

• Marge Simpson : And when you get a job interview, try not to call your employer a punk or a skank.

  Meathook : Makes sense.

  Ramrod : Ooh, *don't* call him skank.

  Meathook : Mrs. Simpson, I killed my pencil.

  Marge Simpson : Broke. You *broke* your pencil.

  Meathook : I... broke him.

  Marge Simpson : That's right. And what else have we learned?

  Ramrod : Oh oh, that violence is wrong.

  Marge Simpson : Excellent, Ramrod. Civilized people solve their disputes with words.

  [Homer jumps in screaming and punching] 

  Marge Simpson : Stop! You don't understand!

  [Homer continues, attacking, punching, and throwing people] 

  Meathook : Marge, what do we do here? Marge, he's using violence.

  Marge Simpson : Talk to him. Use your words.

  Meathook : Homer... Homer... stop. We've given up our violent ways. We just wanna live peacefully... with your wife.

  Homer Simpson : No! My wife is not a dooby... to be passed around! I took a sacred vow on my wedding day to bogart her forever.

  Marge Simpson : Oooooh, Homey.

  Meathook : There's only one reasonable way to settle this... you and me, in the circle of death.

  Marge Simpson : Ooooh, I just swept the circle of death.