- [as Lisa tearfully gives away Princess]
- Millicent: Although there is no change in my patrician facade, I assure you my heart is breaking.
- Marge: Lisa, do you know how much it costs to keep a pony?
- Lisa Simpson: No.
- Marge: Well, it's a lot. In fact, your father had to take a second job.
- Bart: The poor guy! Where's he working?
- Marge: The Kwik-E-Mart.
- [Bart bursts out laughing]
- Marge: Lisa, I hope you realize that your father can't keep this up.
- Lisa Simpson: You're going to make me give up Princess?
- Marge: Lisa, we can't make you do anything.
- Bart: I can make her! Just give me five minutes alone with her...
- Marge: No, Bart! No one's going to make her. This is something Lisa has to decide for herself.
- Lisa Simpson: All those years I've lobbied to be treated as an adult have blown up in my face.
- Apu: [after Homer quits working the graveyard shift at Kwik-E-Mart] He stole, he slept, he was rude to the customers. There goes the best employee a convenience store ever had.
- Marge Simpson: [looking at expenses] Ohhh dear, we're in serious trouble here. We're just gonna have to cut down on luxuries.
- Homer: Well, you know, we're always buying Maggie vaccinations for diseases she doesn't even have.
- Marge Simpson: Actually, I was thinking we could cut down on your beer.
- Homer: Nah, we're not gonna be doing that.
- [Homer goes to the plant credit union to get a loan to buy Lisa a pony]
- Homer: Uh, I'd like to borrow $5,000.
- Bank Clerk: Sorry, I can't approve a loan that size myself.
- [she walks off; Mr. Burns and Smithers appear]
- Mr. Burns: Hello.
- Homer: Aah!
- Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? How can I help you?
- Homer: Mr. Burns, you do this personally?
- Mr. Burns: Oh, it's a hobby. I'm not in this for any personal gain, heavens no! By the way, are you acquainted with our state's stringent usury laws?
- Homer: Us-ury?
- Mr. Burns: Oh, silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn't exist. Now, what is the purpose of this loan?
- Homer: I want to buy a pony.
- Mr. Burns: Isn't that cute! Smithers, he's planning on joining the horsey set!
- [lowers voice]
- Mr. Burns: That is it, isn't it? You're not planning to eat it?
- Homer: No, I need to get it for my little girl because she doesn't love me any more...
- Smithers: Shut up, Simpson.
- Homer: Sorry.
- Smithers: Do you have any collateral?
- Mr. Burns: Oh Smithers, let's not be so cold. His spirit is my collateral. Just sign this form, and the money will be yours.
- Mr. Burns: [as Homer begins to sign, Burns starts laughing evilly]
- Mr. Burns: Sorry, I was just, um, thinking of something funny Smithers did today.
- Smithers: I didn't do anything funny, sir.
- Mr. Burns: [whispering] Shut up!
- Homer: Excuse me, do you sell ponies?
- Pet Shop Owner: [leaning on a sign that says: "You pet it. You bought it."] Uhh... sure, pal. *Right* here.
- [motions to a glass cage]
- Homer: [reads sign] Scot-tish deer hound. Hey, this is a dog!
- Pet Shop Owner: Ooh, my friend, you're smarter than I gave you credit for! I suggest you try the *pony* farm on Route 401. Merely take a left at the rendering plant.
- Grampa: [playing Bart's video game] What do I do? What do I do?
- Bart: If you want to go right, move the joystick left.
- Grampa: Yes. Move the - What's a joystick?
- Bart: Oh! Here comes a Xylon cruiser! Go into hyperspace!
- Grampa: Wait! Where's the hyperspace?
- Bart: Grandpa, you're the spaceship.
- Grampa: I thought I was this guy.
- [spaceship crashes]
- Grampa: Oh! Oh! Game's over. I got down on the floor for this?
- Homer: [after working for nearly 22 hours, speaking to Marge in a separate room] I'll work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy.
- Bart: [Sitting at the breakfast table with Maggie and Lisa, hearing a loud thud as Homer collapses from exhaustion] Oh my God, she killed him!
- Irish Judge: [while listening to the cacophony of Lisa's off-key, broken sax performance] Ehh, sounds like that gopher I caught in me lawnmower.
- Homer: [upon hearing it while running thru the hallway] Eww, I'd hate to be that kid's father.
- [walks into school auditorium late and gasps when he sees that it's his daughter]
- Homer: Uh oh.
- Johnny Carson: I just heard Milli Vanilli was arrested for impersonating a McNugget.
- Ed McMahon: Ho ho ho ho!
- Bart: Well, it's still fun to be up late.