- Sideshow Bob: Rakes, my arch enemy.
- Bart: I thought I was your arch enemy.
- Sideshow Bob: I have a life outside you, Bart.
- Sideshow Bob: [At his parole meeting] Your Honor, my incarceration is cruel and unusual punishment. First, my prison-issued shower sandals are grossly undersized
- [lifts one of his famous meter-long feet onto the table, the sole of which is mold-encrusted save for an incredibly small shower sandal]
- Sideshow Bob: . Secondly, the prison book club consists mainly of prisoners who club *me* with books.
- [pulls up shirt, reveals series of angry, red, rectangular bruises]
- Sideshow Bob: These are from the new Tom Clancy. Although I must say it's less painful than reading him. Am I right, folks?
- [Sideshow Bob is trying to hypnotise Bart]
- Sideshow Bob: You are in my power.
- Bart Simpson: I am at your command.
- Sideshow Bob: I didn't say anything about command. If you are in my power, say so.
- Bart Simpson: I am in your power.
- Sideshow Bob: Excellent! Actually, go back to command. No... power, power!
- [Mr. Teeney has just foiled Sideshow Bob's plan to kill Krusty and blew up a room]
- Krusty the Clown: Was there anyone in there?
- Sideshow Mel: Just some network executives.
- [the blown-apart parts of the executives turn to liquid metal and reform into a T2-style mix of Lindsey Naegle and Jim the Executive]
- Lindsey Naegle, Jim the Executive: We have notes. Have you thought about Dave Chappelle? Destroy!
- Sideshow Bob: [at his parole meeting] Your Honor, my incarceration is cruel and unusual punishment. First, my prison-issued shower sandals are grossly undersized
- [lifts one of his famous meter-long feet onto the table, the sole of which is mold-encrusted save for an incredibly small shower sandal]
- Sideshow Bob: . Secondly, the prison book club consists mainly of prisoners who club *me* with books.
- [pulls up shirt, reveals series of angry, red, rectangular bruises]
- Sideshow Bob: These are from the new Tom Clancy. Although I must say it's less painful than reading him. Am I right, folks?
- Sideshow Bob: [hypnotizing Bart] You are in my power.
- Bart: [in a hypnotic voice] I am at your command.
- Sideshow Bob: I didn't say anything about command. If you are in my power, say so.
- Bart: I am in your power.
- Sideshow Bob: That's better. No, go back to command. I like that better.
- Game show host: Yesterday we asked if you wanted to risk it all for $500,000, and you stalled for 20 minutes!
- Moe Szyslak: Yes, yes I did, I was told to.
- Game show host: Hey, that's great.
- Marge Simpson: I think it's good for a show to go off the air before it becomes stale and repetitive.
- Waylon Smithers: [bursts in through the door] Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!
- [crickets]