Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Stranded (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : I don't like when a woman says "make love to me." It's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me I wound up apologizing to her.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Really?

  George Costanza : That's a lot of pressure - "make love to me." What, am I in the circus?

• George Costanza : Have you ever dated a woman that worked in your office?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I've never had a job.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : There's two types of favors: the big favor and the small favor. You can measure the size of the favor by the pause that a person takes after they ask you to "do me a favor". Small favor -- small pause. "Can you do me a favor and hand me that pencil?" No pause at all. Big favors are... "Could you do me a favor?"

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : So I was in the drugstore the other day, trying to get a cold medication. Did you ever try and pick one of these out? It's a wall, it's an entire wall of cold medications. You're standing there, you're going, "All right. All right, all right. Okay, what the hell am I?.. This is quick-acting, but this is long-lasting. When do I need to feel good? Now or later?" It's a tough question. And then we show you the commercials on TV, where they show you what's wrong with the guy, you know, and they always show you, like, all the problems that he has. First of all, they always show you the human body, which is usually this guy: No face, mouth open. This is how drug companies see the public. And he's always in, like, a certain pain. It's like red, wavy lines are going through him, you know, or he's glowing, parts of him are on fire sometimes, lightning is attacking him... I never had a doctor say to me, "Are you having pain? -- Yes, I am. -- Are you having any lightning with the pain?"

• Jerry Seinfeld : How did you get fleas?

  George Costanza : Because my cousin's imbecile dog was rolling around outside and they got in his carpet.