- Kramer: I've been asking around. They didn't even have any kids.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Mom and Pop aren't even a Mom and Pop?
- Kramer: It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored, big time.
- Elaine Benes: [amused] So, Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years and then, run off with Jerry's sneakers?
- Kramer: Apparently
- [Jerry tries on the other pair of shoes he has available: a pair of narrow, leather Western-style boots]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I can't wear these. They look ridiculous.
- Kramer: Well, you look like a cowboy!
- Jerry Seinfeld: I don't wanna be a cowboy!
- George Costanza: Hey... you don't think... sure, that's Jon Voight's pencil!
- Jerry Seinfeld: With Jon Voight's teeth marks.
- [pulls out the owners manual from the glove box]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Owner's manual... you know what? This car was owned by Jon Voight.
- George Costanza: Ah! See? I told ya.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Except Jon is spelled with an H. J-O-H-N.
- George Costanza: So?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Doesn't Jon Voight spell his name J-O-N?
- George Costanza: So, what are you saying?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Nothing. I'm sure "Jon" probably mispelled his own name. I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G... and an I!
- [laughing uproariously]
- George Costanza: [agitated] Get out of the car!
- Jerry Seinfeld: What?
- George Costanza: That's right, you heard me. Get out. You are ruining this whole experience for me.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, look! There's Gregory Peck's bicycle!
- George Costanza: Get out!
- Jerry Seinfeld: And Barbara Mandrell's skateboard!
- George Costanza: Get out!
- Jerry Seinfeld: Hey! Did you get the Volvo?
- George Costanza: No, I decided to go with an '89 LeBaron.
- Elaine Benes: A LeBaron?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car?
- George Costanza: What Consumer? I'm the consumer.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Alright. Seems like... a strange choice.
- George Costanza: Well, maybe so... but it was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.
- Elaine Benes: Jon Voight? The actor?
- George Costanza: [boasting] That's right. He just happened to be the previous owner of the vehicle.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight?
- George Costanza: [defensive] No, no...
- Jerry Seinfeld: I think yes, yes. You like the idea of telling people you're driving Jon Voight's car.
- George Costanza: [singing] Everybody's talkin' at me, I can't hear a word they're sayin', just drivin' around in Jon Voight's car.
- Tim Whatley: That's John Voight's pencil?
- George Costanza: That's right. I got his whole car downstairs.
- Tim Whatley: Are you the one who bought his LeBaron convertible?
- George Costanza: Yes! Yes, I'm the one! Hey! So, you know Jon Voight!
- Tim Whatley: Yes! Yes, I went to dental school with him.
- George Costanza: Jon Voight, the actor?
- Tim Whatley: No. The periodontist.
- Pop: $4,000.00? We can't afford that!
- Electrician: Well I'm afraid you're gonna have to do something about it, because it's in violation of the building code. Otherwise, they're gonna close you up.
- Pop: But what if we can't pay for it?
- Electrician: Then I have to report you. Otherwise, I lose my license. Sorry.
- Pop: 48 years, Mom! And now we have to close! All because of that idiot and his bloody nose!
- Morgan: So George, what kind of promotional events are we talking about?
- George Costanza: Well, I think we need more special days at the stadium, you know? Like, uh... Joe Pepitone Day. Or, uh... Jon Voight Day.
- Morgan: Jon Voight? The actor?
- [rolls his eyes wearily at George's suggestion]
- Morgan: Uh, I make a motion that we have no more of these meetings that have been initiated by George Costanza.
- George Costanza: I suppose if I had suggested Liam Neeson Day, you'd all be patting me on the back.
- Tim Whatley: Elaine! Hi!
- Elaine Benes: Tim.
- Tim Whatley: Well. I'm really glad you came.
- Elaine Benes: [yells] What?
- Tim Whatley: Really glad you came.
- Elaine Benes: [yells as she can't hear what Tim said] Uh huh
- Tim Whatley: [picks up a bowl of nuts] Listen, Elaine, I've been wanting to ask you... would you like to go out with me New Years Eve?
- [Elaine thinks Tim is offering her a nut, and shakes her head no]
- Tim Whatley: [in a rejected tone] Thanks!
- Tim Whatley: Hey! who invited you anyway? you're a troublemaker
- [Jerry starts laughing like Woody Woodpecker]
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: The marching band is a perfect example of taking something bad, and making it difficult too. I mean, why does the band have to march? We're not moving. Maybe if they'd hold still, we can all leave. Is that why they do it? People try and get away. No, you don't. I'm right with you. Right with you, buddy. The human urge to wave at total strangers just moving by is very strong, isn't it? Parades and ocean liners and those little trains that go through amusement parks. It's always that bittersweet, kind of hello-goodbye combination wave, isn't it? Just: "I've never seen these people before in my life, and they're leaving."
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Car names are so stupid, aren't they? No baron has ever owned a LeBaron. Or the Ford LTD. LTD -- Limited; it's a limited edition. What do they make, 50 million of those? Yes, it's limited to the number we can sell. Or when they try and mangle a positive word into a car name. You know how they'll do that? The Integra. Oh, integrity? No. Integra. The Supra or the Impreza. Yeah, well, I hope it's not a "lemona," huh? Or you'll be hearing from my "lawya."
- George Costanza: What's so great about a Mom and Pop store? Let me tell you something. If my Mom and Pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.
- George Costanza: Jerry, for all I know, the guy went out of his way to not invite you. How am I gonna feel if I show up with an uninvited unwelcome intruder?
- Jerry Seinfeld: The way I feel when I go places with you?
- Elaine Benes: Mr. Pitt, why would you want to hold onto the ropes on the Woody Woodpecker balloon?
- Mr. Pitt: My father was a stern man. He forbad us to participate in any activities that he thought were associated with the common man. The Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list.