Scrubs (TV Series)

My Quarantine (2005)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• [the hospital is under quarantine] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Let's bear in mind that we are shorthanded: There are only four doctors here.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : I counted more than that.

  Dr. Perry Cox : I'm talking legitimate doctors, turtle-head. Here pee-pants is a pathologist, so he doesn't count. Johnson is a dermatologist, which is Greek for "fake doctor," and please don't even get me started on you four surgeons.

  Dr. Todd Quinlan : There's only two of us.

  Dr. Perry Cox : You are so very useless, I counted you both twice.

• Danni Sullivan : SARS sucks!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Okay; you can direct any technical questions to my former sister-in-law.

• Kylie : So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?

  J.D. : [reading the chart]  Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise... Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?

  Patient : Yeah.

  J.D. : [thought]  And then I said something stupid...

  J.D. : Could be SARS.

  J.D. : [thought]  I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lock-down.

  Dr. Perry Cox : What have you done, Newbie?

  Danni Sullivan : [offering a flask]  Quaran-tinies, anyone?

• Dr. Perry Cox : So, Nurse Gandhi-rella, I need you to suction this guy, do a wet-to-dry dressing change, and, oh, what the hell, go ahead and top him off with one of your special, special sponge baths. Happy ending optional - his choice, not yours.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : This guy's in a coma.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Not all of him.

• Carla : The worst first date that I ever had was with this guy who took me to this dump of a pizza parlor, right -

  Dr. Christopher Turk : You know what? Really don't want to hear about this one, okay?

  [Turk turns and nears Dr. Cox, who's talking to a separate group of people] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : ...and she didn't like the pizza I ordered because it had anchovies on it. Can you believe that?

  [Turk hurriedly turns back to Carla's story] 

  Carla : ...it had *anchovies.*

  [back to Cox] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : ...and pineapples.

  [back to Carla] 

  Carla : ...and pineapples.

  [back to Cox] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : ...and red peppers.

  [back to Carla] 

  Carla : ...and green peppers.

  [Turk relaxes] 

  Carla : Wait - red peppers.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : No!

• Dr. Christopher Turk : I don't understand why Carla didn't tell me about you guys.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Maybe it's because she's really in love with me, and together we injected you with diabetes to very slowly get you out of the picture. Or maybe it's because I really liked her, but she didn't exactly feel the same way about me and I got the forehead kiss after spending ninety stinkin' dollars on theater tickets. Or maybe - and this is a huge outside maybe - maybe she knows that you're the kind of person who freaks out over irrelevant things from the past. Personally, I hope it's all three.