Scrubs (TV Series)

My New Old Friend (2003)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Look, Elliot, I...

  Dr. Perry Cox : Ah damn! I missed the annual sleepover, didn't I? That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet, elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naught-ay!

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Dr Cox, I lost my apartment and so I was just needing a place to stay...

  Dr. Perry Cox : so you went over to your "friend"'s house and cried on his shoulder, boo-hoo... wham! You

  [to JD] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : , of course, comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, nerdy sex... the end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?

  Nurse Laverne Roberts : Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [going away]  Oh, you're so right...

• Dr. Perry Cox : Why didn't you stop me?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : What?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Why did you let me harass that guy?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : So, you think the fact that you got annoyed and became incredibly insensitive with another human being is MY fault?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Sh'yeah! Look it, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-ass stuff, you're the one who calls me on it, and you're then damn-sure the one who makes me stop. That's the way it works. That's the way it's worked for years, and... . Just exactly what happened to that?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy HAS changed you?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh, please, I'm crazier than ever. Look it, during this entire conversation, I've actually been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Maybe.

• Mr. Corman : I was at my friend Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding, okay? I share a glass of ouzo with this guy named Yanos. Twenty minutes later, I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode in some guy's rose garden! Now, what would YOU think?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Same thing I think right now: That you got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.

  Mr. Corman : Yeah, well I read the symptoms on the internet, okay? I have Yaba!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Would you say you've been in contact with many exotic primates this year?

  Mr. Corman : I have been to the zoo, yes.

  Dr. Perry Cox : And, while you were there, did you go ahead and jump right into the cage and play Toss the Poop with the other monkeys? Because, if you did, then yeah, you just might have Yaba. But, if that's the case, it would be way, way down on the list of your problems.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Mr. Corman. Great news: Dr. Zeltzer and I have gone over your test results, and your prognosis is excellent.

  Mr. Corman : That's great.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Yeah, it is!

  Mr. Corman : But you know what? You guys can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot. I know that you were screwing with me; that I come in here sometimes, thinking I'm sick when I'm not. But if you remember anything, you remember this: If it turns out I didn't have cancer, I coulda been just some guy coming in here, looking for help... that you treated like crap.