Scrubs (TV Series)

Her Story II (2006)

Donald Faison: Dr. Christopher Turk

Quotes 

• Turk : [being introduced to Julie's godfather, Billy Dee Williams]  Lando Calrissian!

  Billy Dee Williams : Call me Billy Dee.

  Turk : Yes, Lando.

• Turk : J.D., this is an intervention. First off, I just want to say everyone here loves you, this is a safe space. But you're such a committ-a-phobe! Every time you date a girl with potential you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason. Let's think about some of the great girls you let slip through your fingers: Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl, Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-Kids, Rumplefugly... I'm forgetting someone...

  Carla : [narrating]  Oh, my God, Turk... if you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.

  [out loud, while nodding towards Elliot who's starting to moan] 

  Carla : Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?...

  Turk : [snapping his fingers]  Heidi Horse-Face!

  Elliot : [almost crying]  Me, Turk... she's talking about me, OK?

  J.D. : Relax, Elliot... you're Mole Butt.

  Elliot : [moved]  Really? Sorry, Turk...

  Carla : J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something...

  Billy Dee Williams : Don't mess this up, man... be smooth.

  Turk : Lando's right.

  Billy Dee Williams : Billy Dee!

  Turk : [mouthing]  Lando...

  Dr. Cox : Joanna, now I'm not much for this sensitive crap... but, darn it all, you've found someone who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

  Elliot : Don't screw this up, J.D., or you'll just gonna end up where you always do: lying on that couch in a fetal position wishing you hadn't driven another one away.

  Dr. Cox : If Jordan were conscious, she'd... she'd agree

  [Jordan sits unconscious on the couch; she has a fake arrow through her head] 

  Dr. Cox : Oh, now, who put that fake arrow through her head? Eh? Which one of you?... It was me... I did it...

• Elliot : Why is Julie behind that bush crying?

  J.D. : Who knows? Could be anything! You know what's interesting Turk, she's not saying that's so sad. She's actually crying

  Turk : You're an Idiot

  J.D. : Yes I am

• Carla : Hey Turk, guess what?

  Turk : She's not a guy honey. And besides Young Carla is a compliment

  Carla : Really? So how would you feel if I'd say hey it's skinny Turk

• Turk : So, when am I gonna get to meet Julie?

  J.D. : Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?

  Turk : What are you doing?

  J.D. : I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so that I don't mess this relationship up

  Turk : I don't understand

  J.D. : I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow. You know what? It's time for her to meet the people in my life. I think she's gonna do great

• Turk : If you found someone to make you happy by just sitting around and holding hands, then eventually all the other stuff won't matter

• J.D. : You used to be afraid of commitment, too. Then somehow you got over it and now you're married.

  Turk : That's because I was never as bad as you.

  J.D. : Oh, really? Remember Whitney "The Snapper"?

  Turk : Ahhhhhhhhh!

  [flashback to Turk in college dorm room with attractive girl] 

  Turk : Thanks for paying for dinner.

  Whitney : And for dessert, you're gonna get a little Whitney

  [snaps] 

  Whitney : a-

  [snaps] 

  Whitney : la-

  [snaps] 

  Whitney : mode!

  Turk : [makes horrified face]  Get out.