Scrubs (TV Series)

Her Story II (2006)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Cox : Weeeeell, look what we have here: it is a visual representation of how alcohol affects people of different ages. We have the young...

  [indicates Julie] 

  Julie Quinn : [brightly]  Morning!

  Dr. Cox : [moving to Elliot]  ... the slightly older...

  Elliot : [clearly hungover]  Please stop talking.

  Dr. Cox : [moving to Carla]  ... the slightly older still...

  Carla : [mumbles incoherently] 

  Dr. Cox : [moving to Jordan, who is wearing dark sunglasses and not moving]  ... and last, the very, very, VERY old. She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness.

  [he grabs Jordan's shoulders and shakes her] 

  Dr. Cox : Jorda-roo! Jorda-licious! Jorda-roni!

  [Jordan doesn't react] 

  Dr. Cox : Uh-huh.

  J.D. : Ha! I'll get you ladies some more coffee. Jordan, if you're willing to pay for it, just sit there frozen.

  [no response] 

  J.D. : How very generous.

  [he reaches into Jordan's purse and takes out her credit card] 

  Julie Quinn : That's so funny!

  J.D. : [forcing a smile]  Yeah...

• Turk : J.D., this is an intervention. First off, I just want to say everyone here loves you, this is a safe space. But you're such a committ-a-phobe! Every time you date a girl with potential you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason. Let's think about some of the great girls you let slip through your fingers: Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl, Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-Kids, Rumplefugly... I'm forgetting someone...

  Carla : [narrating]  Oh, my God, Turk... if you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.

  [out loud, while nodding towards Elliot who's starting to moan] 

  Carla : Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?...

  Turk : [snapping his fingers]  Heidi Horse-Face!

  Elliot : [almost crying]  Me, Turk... she's talking about me, OK?

  J.D. : Relax, Elliot... you're Mole Butt.

  Elliot : [moved]  Really? Sorry, Turk...

  Carla : J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something...

  Billy Dee Williams : Don't mess this up, man... be smooth.

  Turk : Lando's right.

  Billy Dee Williams : Billy Dee!

  Turk : [mouthing]  Lando...

  Dr. Cox : Joanna, now I'm not much for this sensitive crap... but, darn it all, you've found someone who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

  Elliot : Don't screw this up, J.D., or you'll just gonna end up where you always do: lying on that couch in a fetal position wishing you hadn't driven another one away.

  Dr. Cox : If Jordan were conscious, she'd... she'd agree

  [Jordan sits unconscious on the couch; she has a fake arrow through her head] 

  Dr. Cox : Oh, now, who put that fake arrow through her head? Eh? Which one of you?... It was me... I did it...

• Julie Quinn : Did you know, J.D's parents thought he was gonna be a girl. They didn't have a name ready when he was born, so until he was 3 years old they called him Joana

  Dr. Cox : I don't know who you are, but thank you for this

• Dr. Cox : Joana, now i'm not much for this sensitive crap but darn now you finally found someone who is willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

• Dr. Cox : ...there is not such thing as a perfect person...