- Ross Perot: So, Step 1: a National Curfew, nationwide, lights out, 8:45 pm. Now, you may say, "Ross, what am I gonna do after 8:45?" Well, I suggest you sleep. And you'll be glad you did when you hear that National Wake-Up Siren at 4:45 am. And don't worry, you won't sleep through it; it's gonna be loud! See, now, this way, you can start your fifteen-hour work day at 5:30 am, and be back in bed by lights out. Now, now what does this accomplish? First of all, this curfew cuts our energy consumption by 21%, reducing the deficit by $700 billion in the first ninety days alone! See, now, now that's easier than squeezing a pimple on your ass. I rest my case.
- Tori Spelling: Welcome to Tori. You're probably asking yourself: Tori, where are you? Well, I'll tell you. This is the stuffed animal room. Each week on Tori, we will broadcast from a different room in the house. We have 400 rooms. That'll easily get us into syndication.
- Lorne Michaels: [Tim Robbins crumples up his monologue script and throws it on the floor] Hey, don't throw that away. A lot of this can be used next week with Joe Pesci.