- Mrs. Hopkins: Mr. Sanford, my bathtub is backing up again. Now, what do you suggest?
- Fred G. Sanford: I suggest you get in it, take it out of reverse, and drive it off a cliff.
- Mrs. Hopkins: Well, I never!
- Fred G. Sanford: Try it, you'll like it.
- Fred G. Sanford: Freddy's life is goin' down the drain / God, pull out the stopper / stole money from my only son / for these lousy Whopper Choppers!
- Fred G. Sanford: [to aspiring actor Lamont] I can't wait to see you starring in your first movie, "Deep Dummy."
- Woman in Audience: [to Fred as he is taking his seat in the TV studio for a cooking show for passing by her in a way she didn't like] Would you please?
- Fred G. Sanford: Not if you were the last person on Earth!