- Various: [indignantly] What is the meaning of this delay? I am here to discover Canada.
- Native Indian: [unimpressed] Well, you're only about ten thousand years too late, friend.
- Various: Say, you look familiar. Weren't you in that movie Dances With Wolves?
- Native Indian: [in a sarcastic mocking "accent" to show his disdain for Cartier's self-important attitude] Yes, I was.
- Various: What is your name?
- Native Indian: Kevin Costner. Reason for visit?
- Various: Weason? I am here to claim this land for the glory of La France.
- Native Indian: [breaks the fourth wall by grimly gazing at the audience] Well, there goes the neighborhood. Occupation?
- Various: [grandly] Why, I am an explorer. An adventurer. A courageous traveler.
- Native Indian: I'll just put down "dork."
- [again breaks the fourth wall and smiles amusedly at the audience]
- Native Indian: I love this job. What's your Native tongue?
- Various: Why, I am a master of many tongues.
- Native Indian: Oh, what are they, Cree, Inuit, Dene?
- Various: No.
- Native Indian: Blackfoot, Mohawk, Haida?
- Various: No.
- Native Indian: Then you don't know any Native tongues. I'll just put down "illiterate."
- Various: How DARE you - - I am Jacques Cartier, world-famous explorer with over 50,000 frequent-sailor points! I am a very important person! I am very popular; I am known all over France! I can have any woman I want - - as long as I can come up with da CASH!
- Native Indian: [casually] Big deal - - I'm hosting the "Genies" next week.
- Various: [impatiently exasperated] You are treating me like a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN!
- Native Indian: [smiling sarcastically as he pulls on a latex glove, stretches and snaps the cuff dramatically, then wiggles his fingers illustratively] Wait'll you go through the BODY search!