- Angie Dickinson: My husband, Burt Bacharach, says he can only write songs when he's completely relaxed. Which is okay, but it sure gets uncomfortable with that piano in our bed.
- Totie Fields: Hey, I bet you didn't know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Especially if you hit 'em right in the mouth with it.
- Gladys Ormphby: I was swimming out in the ocean yesterday, when a shark swam up to me. Boy, you've never heard such cries for help. The Life Guard finally swam out and told the shark to shut up.