- Announcer: [off screen] And here's the Laugh-In news with Buck Jones in Texas in chaps, Tom Jones in Wales, on laps. Shirley Jones in Hollywood, under wraps, Davy Jones in bed between naps and Jack Jones in Vegas, shooting craps.
- Dan Rowan: Chicago: in gratitude for the FBI's no longer using the word 'Mafia', The Mafia announced today it would no longer use the word 'FBI'.
- Announcer: Here are some more useful safety tips that could well help you to live. Avoid getting into a stall shower naked, if there is already a King Cobra in it.