- Dave Madden: I feel terrible. I dropped my watch in the lake.
- Dan Rowan: Did it stop?
- Dave Madden: No, went right to the bottom.
- Dick Martin: You know, it used to be that kids looked up to the cop on the beat. And now they're looking to beat up on the cop.
- Chelsea Brown: Well, the kids in my neighborhood still look up to the cops. I mean, when you're flat on your back, man, you've got to look up.
- The Parson: I saw The Ten Commandments at a drive-in last night. The couple in the next car broke nine of them.
- Dan Rowan: You know, Goldie, you can kill more people with a car than you can with a gun.
- Goldie Hawn: Oh, really, when did they pass that law?
- Dan Rowan: Goldie, go to your room.
- Alan Sues: Hey, mom just sent me a hundred dollars to come home for the weekend. Dad sent me two hundred dollars to stay away. Dad's adorable.
- Nancy Sinatra: Well, I'm all for violence on campus. After all, college is supposed to prepare you for the world today.
- Alan Sues: Let's put it this way: If you liked the Democratic Convention, you'll love The Boston Strangler.