Photos
Quotes
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Jackie Harris : You wanted to stand between us at the altar!
Roseanne : That was a joke!
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Jackie Harris : You always put Dan first.
Roseanne : Oh, I do not, I'm as bad as you are. I put me first too.
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Roseanne : [Becky and Darlene are sniping at each another] Okay, so that's enough. Now, we have a wonderful, loving family, and you two little bitches are not going to ruin it. You're gonna be loving, caring sisters, just like me and Jackie.
Darlene : Fine.
Darlene : [to Becky] I'll sleep with every guy in town and you can gain 400 pounds.
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Roseanne : [Darlene and Becky pretend to get along] Knock it off, you two, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie are more convincing.
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D.J. Conner : [Dan tells D.J. to quit hanging around Jackie's so much] Doesn't Aunt Jackie like me anymore?
Dan Conner : Of course she does, it's just that sometimes, some adults like your aunt Jackie... we just miss you around here! What do you want to go over there all the time for, anyway?
D.J. Conner : I have to.
Dan Conner : What do you mean, you have to?
D.J. Conner : Well, Darlene and Becky are sisters, and Mom and Aunt Jackie are sisters, and David and Mark are brothers, Mom's new baby's going to be a girl, so I'm going to be the only chance of a brother Andy will have.
Roseanne : Well go ahead, Dan, how about next you take Tiny Tim's crutch away and beat him over the head with it?
Dan Conner : No, I'm gonna go tell the other kids that D.J.'s my favorite.
