Roseanne (TV Series)

Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places (1992)

Sara Gilbert: Darlene Conner

Quotes 

• Darlene : [to D.J. after telling Molly what Darlene said about her]  You're about to become a strange smell in the attic.

• Darlene : [after Roseanne brings in loose meat sandwiches from a diner she wants to copy]  What reeks?

  Roseanne : Your future!

  Darlene : Yeah, that smells about right.

• D.J. : [Darlene catches him trying to hide a spyscope]  I was looking at the stars.

  Darlene : [looks out the window with the spyscope]  Hmm. Oh well, would you look at that? There's a constellation in the shape of a naked next-door neighbor!

• Molly Tilden : [knocks on the door, Darlene answers, letting her in]  Your little brother is doing is again!

  Darlene : I told you I'd take care of it and I did. Dee Jaaaaaay!

  Molly Tilden : What are you calling him down here for? He'll never admit it.

  Darlene : Oh, he won't have to. I put shoe polish on the eye of his telescope so he would be branded the deviate that he is.

  D.J. : [comes downstairs with no shoe polish on his eye]  What do you want?

  Molly Tilden : Brilliant plan.

  Darlene : [puzzled]  It shoulda worked.

  David : [comes downstairs with black shoe polish on his eye]  Hey!... What?

  [Molly is grinning, Darlene seeths with anger. A sign blocking the screen reads: DUE TO ITS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC AND VIOLENT NATURE, THE REMAINDER OF THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED] 

• Jackie : You should have seen it, Darlene, people were shoving loose meat in their faces as fast as they could get their hands on it.

  Darlene : Well, why not just drop a carcass on the table, and let them gnaw 'til they're full.

• Darlene : [refusing to eat a loose-meat sandwich]  Alright, get that thing away from me. I'm not gonna eat some animal's face.

  Dan : You don't eat the face; you mount it up on the wall as a tribute.

• D.J. : Mom says I get to name the restaurant!

  Darlene : Great. From the boy who named his goldfish "Fluffy".

• Darlene : I can make you feel like a man, David. Take out the trash.

• Molly Tilden : [about getting D.J. to stop spying on her]  So anyway, are you going to do something about your brother?

  Darlene : Yeah, I'll take care of it.

  Molly Tilden : Well I hope so. Because he could grow up to be a pretty disturbed individual.

  Darlene : You don't understand here, Molly. This is the most normal thing he's ever done.