- Matthew Wiggins: Look, Nick, everybody here has someone to be with, and I got you. Look, no offense, buddy, but I was hopin' for more.
- Matthew Wiggins: Yeah, look at them, Nick. Look, they're walkin' around with their hands in each other's back pockets.
- Nick Chase: Someday you'll be that guy.
- Matthew Wiggins: No, I just wanna be his hand.
- Matthew Wiggins: Well, buddy, I guess it's just you and me, forever and ever.
- Nick Chase: There's gotta be another way.
- Nick Chase: Look, you think that's Wolfman Jack's his real name? When his father first saw him, he says, uh, "Hey, honey, the kid looks like your mother. Let's call him Wolfman."
- [auditioning together for a DJ position]
- Matthew Wiggins: I-I-I don't know how to sound.
- Nick Chase: Come on. Think what people wanna hear in a DJ.
- Matthew Wiggins: Okay, they like them to sound relaxed.
- Nick Chase: Okay, you can be relaxed. Just... take a breath.
- Matthew Wiggins: And warm.
- Nick Chase: Matthew, you're a warm guy.
- Matthew Wiggins: And sexy.
- Nick Chase: I'll handle THAT.
- [auditioning for radio via a live broad commercial]
- Matthew Wiggins: [reading from script] "You know something? I'm hungry. How 'bout you, buddy?"
- Nick Chase: [stiffly] "Mmm. I'm starved. I sure could go for one of those delicious Aloha Pizzas topped with tangy pineapple?"
- Nick Chase: [off script] What am I sayin'? That's disgusting.
- Matthew Wiggins: "Or the delicious Luau Pizza with mango and passion fruit. It'll make you feel like you're doing the hula."
- Nick Chase: That's not a pizza! A pizza is tomatoes and cheese and... you fold it onto your mouth and it oozes out and you end up in the dry cleaners.
- Matthew Wiggins: "Aloha-oe. They all sound scrumptious. A-and don't forget to try out our new diet pizza."
- Nick Chase: Oh, now they gone too far.
- Nick Chase: What's wrong, Sheldon?
- Sheldon: I can't go in my room, Nick. There's a chemistry book in there.
- Nick Chase: You know, when you think about it, me and you have a lot in common.
- Sheldon: You mean we both radiate an animal sexuality that can not be denied?
- Nick Chase: Yeah, there's that.