Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Timeslides (1989)

Chris Barrie: Rimmer, Frank Rimmer

Quotes 

• Rimmer : I'm going in. I'm going in to rescue him.

  Holly : Rescue him?

  Rimmer : It's my duty - my duty as a complete and utter bastard.

• Rimmer : What happened to you?

  Dave Lister : I'm just sick of it, that's what. I'm just totally, totally sick of it.

  Rimmer : Sick of what?

  Dave Lister : I'm sick of you and your silly green suits! I'm sick of your stupid flared nostrils! I'm sick of the way you always smile when you're being insulted! I'm sick of the Cat. I'm sick of Holly. I'm sick of you, I'm sick of me. And as for Kryten, I'm sick of him. I'm sick of this ship, I'm sick of this life, I'm just sick of it.

  Rimmer : [he takes a seat near Lister]  You're unhappy, aren't you?

• Rimmer : Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit!

• [Rimmer returns from going back in time to try and undo Lister becoming a billionaire] 

  Holly : Any luck?

  Rimmer : Useless. Didn't listen. Didn't even recognise me. Just thought I was some neurotic, deranged crazy madman.

  Holly : You sure he didn't recognise you?

• Rimmer : Anything?

  Holly : Got him.

  Rimmer : And?

  Holly : Tension Sheet, inventor of; Dave Lister, aged 17.

  Rimmer : Damn.

  Holly : And he died tragically in a plane crash aged 98.

  Rimmer : 98?

  Holly : Well, it was his own fault, apparently. He was making love to his 14th wife and lost control of the plane.

• Young Lister : [singing tunelessly]  Ommm... Ommm... Ommm... Ommm... Ommm...

  Dave Lister : This is one of the first songs I ever wrote. It was called "Om".

  Rimmer : Nothing like a good old-fashioned love song, eh?

• Rimmer : [about his old schoolmate Thickie Holden]  A spotty little gimp who used to blow off the bed covers every time we had cauliflower cheese.

• Rimmer : Did you go to school with anyone famous?

  Dave Lister : Charles Keenan. He was pretty famous.

  Rimmer : What did he do?

  Dave Lister : Ate his wife.

• Frank Rimmer : Squire, hop it!

• Dave Lister : Guys, guys. I'd like you to meet me, aged 17.

  Young Lister : Shay-dee! This is totally shady! It's beyond shady, it's surreal! These your mates, then?

  Dave Lister : Yeah. That's Cat, Kryten, and... Rimmer.

  Young Lister : [pointing at the H on Rimmer's forehead]  Brilliant tattoo, man! What's it stand for, "Heavy metal"?

  Rimmer : Yes, indeed.

  Young Lister : [pointing at Kryten]  And him? What's happened to him? His face, it's grotesque, isn't it? Has he had an accident? He looks like he spent three weeks with his head jammed in a lift! It's totally shady!

• Rimmer : [after Lister tries to persuade his younger self to give up trying to become a rock star and invent the successful tension sheet instead]  You haven't got a copy of the Om Song I could take back with me, have you?

  Young Lister : They're all in the car.

  Rimmer : Oh, what a pity. I just can't get it out of my head, it's so catchy! "Om!" Keep writing those hits, kid.

  [Rimmer gets up and leaves, saying "Om!" to himself] 

  Young Lister : What a nice guy.

• Rimmer : [to Lister]  You call this happiness? Surrounded by toadying lackeys and paid sycophants? Living with a love goddess sex bomb model megastar? You call this contentment? You know, I stand here now and I look at the two of us and I ask one simple question: Who is the rich man? You, with your 58 houses, your private island in the Bahamas, your multi-billion pound business empire, or me, with... with... with what I've got.

  [pauses] 

  Rimmer : It's you, isn't it? Yes, it's all very clear to me now. You - richer and happier.

  Gilbert : [showing Rimmer out]  This way, sir.

  Rimmer : Should have thought a bit harder about that speech, really. I cocked it up a bit, didn't I?

• Rimmer : So we can go anywhere we want, absolutely anywhere?

  Kryten : Providing we have a photograph of it.

  Rimmer : So if one of us had, say, a photograph of a female-only naturist beach in Acapulco full of bronzed, naked, uninhibited teenage temptresses, we could go there for a holiday?

  Kryten : I suppose.

  Rimmer : Kryten, get my photo album.

  Dave Lister : Hang on. The thing is, we can't move outside the confines of the photograph. What we see is all we get.

  The Cat : Meaning?

  Dave Lister : Meaning we can't get a picture of Earth and go back there, we wouldn't be able to move outside the frame of the photograph.

  Rimmer : Believe me, this beach shot in Acapulco, you wouldn't want to move outside the photograph.

• Rimmer : [viewing an old slide photo]  That's Nuremberg! That's Adolf Hitler, he was the leader of the runners-up in World War 2.