Queer as Folk (TV Series)
The Art of Desperation (2001)
Scott Lowell: Ted Schmidt
Photos
Quotes
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [Ted and Emmett are at Torso, where Emmett is checking out new clothes.] I'm out.
Emmett Honeycutt : At work? That's fabulous.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : I'm out of the scene, I mean. I've made up my mind. No more bars, no more baths, no more clubs... You'll never see my face at Babylon again.
Emmett Honeycutt : Oh, please. You can't let one little drug-induced coma get you down.
[putting on a tee]
Emmett Honeycutt : What do you think?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You look unbelievably trashy.
Emmett Honeycutt : Tuck me into it. I'll buy it.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You missed my point entirely. Everything we do, even the clothes we wear, is a conscious or, worse yet, unconscious attempt to get laid.
Emmett Honeycutt : Yes, it's true. There's an overemphasis on sex. But why not buy two sizes too small and come with it?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Because, tragically, some of us were not born to wear Lycra.
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [reading from the ad in the paper] "Date Bait. Meet other single gay man in a civilized evening of conversation. No pick-ups, no face-to-face rejection". They have an over thirty night.
Emmett Honeycutt : Where? The morgue?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : And just for that, you're going with me.
Emmett Honeycutt : I am not over thirty!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : And I am not going alone.
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Emmett Honeycutt : Faggots, faggots everywhere, and not a drop to drink. I can honestly say I have no desire to have sex with any of these people.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Me neither. That's a start.
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Roger : [both Roger and Ted are staring at the waiter's ass as he walks away.] He has a nice smile.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Among other attributes.
Roger : I'm sure he's a fine person.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Rhodes Scholar would be my guess.
Roger : [laughs] You know, ordinarily, I'd be racking my brain to come up with some pathetic line for when he comes back, like "I haven't seen you here before, are you new?".
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Or, ah... "Do I know you from somewhere? No? Must be in a dream".
Roger : "So, when did they start hiring models here?".
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You're worse than I am! You want me to go to the men's room, so you can take a crack at him?
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [Ted is admiring Roger, who's playing the piano.] He plays beautifully, doesn't he?
Emmett Honeycutt : I'm all a tingle. So have you two had sex yet?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : No!
[whispering]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Would you keep your voice down?
Emmett Honeycutt : Well, when are you?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : When we both know it's the right thing to do.
Emmett Honeycutt : Sex is never the right thing to do! Feeding the poor is the right thing to do; hiring the handicapped is the right thing to do; donating blood... is the right...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Alright, alright, you made your point.
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Roger : [Ted and Roger are looking at the picture of a naked man on the wall.] Tremendous energy.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [referring to the penis in the picture] Really comes right out at you.
[breathing heavily]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Roger..., I think I'm ready.
Roger : I've promised to play the piano.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You're just volunteering.
Roger : You're right, fuck them.
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : I was rejected by everybody.
[Emmett looks unsure]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : It's good to be back!
Emmett Honeycutt : [to Ted] Let's get you a cock-tail!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Okay.